Therapy Insights on Parenting, Couples, and Mental Health
What Your Teen Wants to Know About Suicide & What You, as a Parent, Should Say
If you have a middle or high school student in Oak Park or nearby schools, chances are that they have had suicide prevention training at school. But there is a hole in the training that is often missed, and our youth are asking for answers.
If you have a middle or high school student in Oak Park or nearby schools, chances are that they have had suicide prevention training at school.
Due to a nationwide push to increase awareness of suicidality in teens, most schools incorporate multiple strategies to address suicide and mental health concerns. September is National Suicide Prevention month, and many high schools offered presentations on suicide warning signs, and resources available in the area. These increases in curriculum at the high schools youth increase awareness, provide powerful knowledge, encourage communication, and diminish stigma and isolation.
Much of the curriculum presented offers our youth with a better understanding of warning signs of suicidal ideation and depression. Teens who suffer from suicidal thoughts know trusted adults to reach out to, and that they are not alone.
But, the curriculum rarely offers other youth the support in how to be peer advocates to friends that express suicidal thoughts. Teens with suicidal thoughts will often share these thoughts and feelings with a close friend prior to reaching out to a trusted adult, and it is crucial that we are equipping youth with an understanding of what to do in this situation. Not only teenagers, but also their parents.
“Suicide is the second leading cause of death for young people between 10 to 24. ”
The 3 things you and your teen need to know about suicide:
1. Break the Trust
Often times suicidal youth don’t know who to tell that they are having these thoughts, and end up telling their closest friends. They may follow up the disclosure with a stinging “but.. Please don’t tell anyone!” That friend is then stuck deciding between getting help from an adult or breaking the trust.
Tell your teen that trust needs to be broken in this situation- it’s vital that they share this information to keep their friend safe. The trust doesn’t need to be completely shattered though- they can express their concern without having to break all trust of the friendship.
2. Involve Trusted & Trained Adults
Instruct your child to notify a trusted adult ASAP! Tell them to wake you up if you’re asleep or call you if you’re not together. It’s ok if you don’t know exactly what to do in that moment: but praise your child for involving an adult and advocating for their friend. If you know the child in crisis’ parent’s information contact them with your concerns. When in doubt contact the police or the local crisis line for support. These trusted and trained adults can help provide the youth with the follow-up support they need through a therapist or a school social worker.
It’s critical we convey this message to youth and parents: no one expects you to be a trained crisis counselor, or even when it’s ‘necessary’ to involve one. Instead, your role is to simply pass along your concerns to a professional who can more fully assess the risk and offer appropriate levels of care.
3. Answer The Cry
Myth: Talking about suicide increases the likelihood of that person having or acting upon suicidal thoughts. Fact: Talking about suicide is crucial in managing stigma and increasing awareness of resources and sports available. Talking openly about suicide shows others you can be trusted with these very difficult thoughts and emotions.
Myth: People who have suicidal thoughts don’t tell anyone these thoughts. Fact: People experiencing suicidal thoughts often feel stigmatized and nervous disclosing these thoughts. But, when they do share these thoughts with people they trust, it is a cry for help - even if they’re not directly asking for help.
It may be difficult to determine if there is a true threat or if it is a cry for attention. Even though you or your child may not believe this youth is truly at risk, and they may be just doing it for attention it is vital that they are offered the support. Regardless of if it is a cry for attention or a cry for help, it is important that the cry be answered. You are not expected to determine the validity of the statements, rather your role is crucial to linking to the professionals who can better assess the risk. It’s best to take every statement seriously, and have a trained professional determine the true risk.
Encourage your youth to reach out to that person posting the cryptic Snapchat post that may or may not be suicidal. Encourage them to check in with them and offer support, rather than thinking someone closer to them will do it. This is the small yet mighty way that we can all become better advocates for mental health- don’t shy away.
Make a plan with your teen regarding what they should do, and what you will do to help them.
Having the conversation ahead of time can eliminate the stigma and concern that may keep them silent.
If you need further support on how to best support your teen or if you’re interested in having Tina come talk to you or a group about assessing for and preventing teen suicide, please contact us.
What to Expect from Your First Call & First Therapy Session
Has the big scary 'Unknown' of what to expect from therapy held you back from reaching out to a therapist? This family therapy video details the basics of what to expect from your first call and your first therapy session. It's not as scary as you think - Promise!
Reaching out to a therapist is scary.
Not knowing what will happen at your first scheduled appointment is even scarier.
We know that starting therapy can feel like a big step, and for many people, the uncertainty of what to expect holds them back from reaching out. So, let’s take some of that mystery out of the process! Here’s a simple breakdown of what happens during your first phone call and therapy session with us—or with most therapists, really.
The First Phone Call: What to Expect
Every therapist has their own way of doing things, but at Empower Family Therapy, here’s how we get started:
1. Reaching Out
When you call, you’ll likely get our voicemail because we’re often in sessions. But don’t worry! Just leave a message, send an email, or even shoot us a text. Let us know you're interested, and we’ll set up a time for a brief phone consultation.
2. The Phone Consultation
Since it can be tough to catch people at the right moment, we schedule these calls ahead of time. That way, we can both set aside a quiet moment to chat.
During this 15-minute call, we’ll ask a few key questions:
What’s bringing you to therapy?
Why now?
What changes are you hoping to see?
Who would you like involved in your therapy journey?
And one of our most frequently asked questions: Do you have any questions for us? Seriously, ask anything! There are no dumb questions in therapy.
3. Logistics & Next Steps
We’ll talk about things like payment options, our home-based therapy services, and scheduling. If you’re ready to book a session right then, we’ll get it on the calendar. If you need more time to think it over or discuss with a partner or family member, that’s totally fine. Just reach out when you're ready.
Once we schedule, we’ll send you an email confirming the appointment and attaching consent forms. We like to send these ahead of time so you can review them at your own pace and bring up any questions—no surprises!
Your First Therapy Session: What to Expect
1. No Need to Clean for Us!
If we’re meeting at your home, don’t stress about tidying up. Seriously, we’re not here to judge your housekeeping skills.
When we arrive, we usually knock instead of ringing the doorbell (because, you know, sleeping kids). We’ll introduce ourselves, ask if we should take off our shoes, and check in on how your day is going. Then we’ll find a comfortable place to talk—the living room, kitchen table, wherever feels best for you.
2. Quick Paperwork Review
Since you’ve already had a chance to look over the consent forms, we’ll just go over any lingering questions and key points. This keeps things smooth and saves time so we can focus on what really matters.
3. Diving In
From there, we’ll jump into what brought you to therapy. This first session builds on our phone consultation, but we’ll go more in-depth.
No pressure, though. You can share at your own pace.
Our goal is to help you define what you want to change and figure out how we can make that change happen. Therapy is about you and your goals, and we’re here to help you get there.
4. Wrapping Up
Our sessions typically run about 50 minutes, with the last 10 minutes dedicated to wrapping up and scheduling future appointments. At the end of our session, we’ll ask if you want to book another session.
And just so you know, there’s no pressure.
If you’re unsure, it’s totally fine to wait and decide later. Think of it like a hair appointment or a dentist visit—you can schedule on the spot, or you can hold off. We’d rather you be sure than feel obligated.
5. Good Fit Matters
Therapy isn’t one-size-fits-all. The most important factor in therapy success is the therapeutic relationship—not the specific type of therapy, not the years of training, but the connection between client and therapist. If one of us isn’t the right fit for you, that’s totally okay! Our priority is making sure you get the support you need, even if that means referring you to someone else.
6. Payment & Next Steps
Before we leave, we’ll confirm payment and any upcoming sessions. And then? You might find yourself saying, Wow, that wasn’t so bad! Maybe we’ll meet again next week, in two weeks, or maybe not at all. Either way, you’re in control of your therapy journey.
Starting therapy doesn’t have to be scary. Our goal is to make this process as comfortable and accessible as possible. If you have any other questions, don’t hesitate to reach out at info@empowerfamilytherapy.com.
We’re happy to chat and help you figure out if therapy is right for you!
Thanks for stopping by,
The Empower Family Therapy Team
Negotiating Consequences
Negotiating consequences WITH your kid is an easy tweak to make, that results in more ‘buy in,’ and compliance from your kid as they are actively engaged and participating in the process of determining a consequence. It offers autonomy to your youth in a time when they may feel powerless to the consequence of not meeting and expectation
Parents dread giving their kids consequences.
Your kid then pouts, storms off, gives them the silent treatment, or worse - makes the punishment a punishment for you. You know… the good ol’ ‘No Phone for a Week,’ consequence only to have your kid pester and bother you begging for it back, constantly begging to use your phone, or being out of contact for hours because ‘they don’t have a phone.’ It’s a tactic kids and teens use to wear down their parents, and more often than not it works! But, don’t worry - there is a way to avoid this resistance regarding consequences.
The answer is ….. Drum roll, please…..
Negotiation.
“My kid has been struggling at school and at home a lot lately. We’ve taken away his phone and grounded him from seeing friends outside of school, but there’s not much improvement and we are running out of things to take away! He seems to care less and less every time we give a consequence.” - local parent
Often times as parents, we feel the need to utilize our power and prescribe a strict consequence regiment. We want to be sure we are addressing the negative behaviors, but fear piling up the consequences in fear that our kid will revolt and make our lives a living hell. Plus, who has extra time and brain power to monitor 5 different consequences for one kid? Let alone if you have more than one child! Phew. No way.
Negotiating consequences WITH your kid is an easy tweak to make, that results in more ‘buy in,’ and compliance from your kid as they are actively engaged and participating in the process of determining a consequence. It offers autonomy to your youth in a time when they may feel powerless to the consequence of not meeting and expectation. Teens and youth tend to describe this method as feeling, “more fair.”
The only catch (of course, there’s always a little catch) to this strategy is that it takes some preparation on your part to come up with options ahead of the conversation. But, if you are following our tips from 5 Ways You’re Allowing Your Kids to Beat You at Your Own Consequences, you should already be taking a cool-down time prior to prescribing a consequence, and during that time you can prepare 2 logical consequences to address the behavior/missed expectation.
Here are a few examples:
Would you prefer to lose dessert tonight or go to bed 30 minutes earlier?
Would you prefer to lose your phone for the day or have to vacuum/mop the house?
Would you prefer to lose screen time for the week or cancel your weekend sleepover plans?
I want to clarify that including your youth in negotiating consequences is NOT a form of compromising: we are not bargaining on the consequence, rather we are introducing two equivalent options for them to make a choice.
Of course, this strategy does not work in every situation and should not completely replace assigning a singular, specific consequence. I suggest parents utilize this strategy when children/teens react appropriately to the discussion of the expectation not being met, as a token of appreciation for good participation during the interaction. If there is arguing, tantruming, or talking back. it may not be effective or appropriate to offer them a choice in the consequences this time around.
For many of you this will help you collaborate better with your youth, and avoid consequences becoming a punishment for you as the parent. If you’d like more support with implementing these tips with your youth, reach out to us directly by emailing Tina@EmpowerFamilyTherapy.com
Consequences still not going smoothly with your kid? Check out our blog post about how your kids are outsmarting you when it comes to consequences