Therapy Insights on Parenting, Couples, and Mental Health
5 Reasons Why Your Teen Should be in therapy This Summer.
For teenagers summer breaks act as a bookmark in life. Milestones marking monumental changes in friend groups, relationships, development, and their sense of self.
As parents, it is sometimes difficult to know how to best support your teen over the summer: wanting to help them find a balance between structure and relaxation.
Want to help your teen have a memorable summer they’ll never forget?
Young lives are marked by summer vacations.
Even a mention of a certain summer can take you right back to where you were, who you were with, and what you were doing that memorable year.
For teenagers summer breaks act as a bookmark in life.
Milestones marking monumental changes in friend groups, relationships, development, and their sense of self.
As parents, it is sometimes difficult to know how to best support your teen over the summer: wanting to help them find a balance between structure and relaxation.
Want to help your teen have a memorable summer they’ll never forget?
the 5 reasons why your teen should be in therapy this summer :
Trusted Adult
During the school year your teen is surrounded by teachers, school staff, coaches, and other adults checking in with them on a regular basis. They are able to access a support system of trusted adults, other than their parents or family. Having these relationships helps teenagers develop their own perspectives and values. The confidentiality of the therapist-client relationship is incredibly valuable in adolescent development, as youth create their own identity separate from their parents for the first time. Having regular sessions with a therapist over the summer encourages teens to process the big choices and changes that accompany the memories of summer. It is a great way to lower your stress and worry about what choices your teen may be making over the summer, knowing they have the support of a trusted adult to help them.
2. Space
Teens undergo a great deal of social stress during the school year from peers and friends. Most of the teens I work with share that they look forward to summer as a chance to get away from that ongoing pressure of trying to measure up. Summer vacation offers a break from the heavy weight of social and academic stress, and it frees up emotional and mental space. Having a break from these stresses offers a valuable opportunity for reflection, insight, and growth for teens. Social development is crucial during this stage, and a primary topic for most teens in therapy. Many teens feel safer processing social issues over the summer months, because they know they have a break from the ongoing social stresses they feel at school
3. Start Strong
Any therapist who work with kids, youth, and families would tell you that their phones and emails start to ping like clockwork at two times a year: a month or so after school starts and around the holiday season. These tend to be the most stressful times for families. People most often seek therapy when their problems have gotten too difficult to manage. They have most often tried everything within their own power before reaching out to someone else to ask for help. But, there is unbelievable value in seeking support on issues before they get out of control. Teens who seek therapy proactively feel more in control in their sessions, and have motivation towards achieving progress towards their goals. Asking for help while the problem is still manageable also models excellent regulation for your teen. This shows teens the valuable lesson that proactively managing a small issue can prevent it from becoming a bigger one. Encourage your teen to take the time to slow down and invest in change that will last longer than the summer.
4. Routine
Most teens spend the summer sleeping until noon, and eliminating all memory of the rigid routines they abide by during the school year. As parents, we try to provide and encourage a delicate balance of unstructured structure to our teens over the summer. Weekly therapy appointments can offer that minimal consistency that teens thrive off of over the summer months. Many therapists have more flexible availability during the summer, ask if twice weekly sessions are possible to be able to meet goals twice as fast. Empower Family Therapy offers home, office, and community-based therapy sessions; encouraging teens to be outside in the nice weather with walk-and-talk therapy. Our convenient office location allows responsible teens to be in charge of their own transportation to and from sessions- by bus, bike, or walking. These small routines encourage teens to be invested in their treatment and see their own capabilities to make change a reality in their lives.
5. Skills
School issues are one of the main reasons why teens seek therapy. The pace of the academic year doesn’t allow much time for teens to learn new skills to help them exceed academically. Many times students struggle to keep up with the academic material while they are learning the valuable skills of time management, study skills, and balance. These invaluable skills are a necessary part of teen development, but they are often rushed through in an effort to not fall behind academically. It’s common for teens and parents to disregard these concerns over the summer months, when the lack of school structure tends to shift the focus. But, when they present again next school year there is often not enough time to find support before the ‘falling behind’ pattern begins again. Teens who prioritize learning, practicing, and building these life skills over the summer are better prepared for the upcoming school year with renewed confidence.
If you’re interested in counseling for your teen or family this summer, reach out and schedule your free consultation call with us today.
And most importantly… enjoy this summer.
teens aren’t the only ones that get to have memorable summers.
make summer 2019 the best summer yet, for you!
What Your Teen Wants to Know About Suicide & What You, as a Parent, Should Say
If you have a middle or high school student in Oak Park or nearby schools, chances are that they have had suicide prevention training at school. But there is a hole in the training that is often missed, and our youth are asking for answers.
If you have a middle or high school student in Oak Park or nearby schools, chances are that they have had suicide prevention training at school.
Due to a nationwide push to increase awareness of suicidality in teens, most schools incorporate multiple strategies to address suicide and mental health concerns. September is National Suicide Prevention month, and many high schools offered presentations on suicide warning signs, and resources available in the area. These increases in curriculum at the high schools youth increase awareness, provide powerful knowledge, encourage communication, and diminish stigma and isolation.
Much of the curriculum presented offers our youth with a better understanding of warning signs of suicidal ideation and depression. Teens who suffer from suicidal thoughts know trusted adults to reach out to, and that they are not alone.
But, the curriculum rarely offers other youth the support in how to be peer advocates to friends that express suicidal thoughts. Teens with suicidal thoughts will often share these thoughts and feelings with a close friend prior to reaching out to a trusted adult, and it is crucial that we are equipping youth with an understanding of what to do in this situation. Not only teenagers, but also their parents.
“Suicide is the second leading cause of death for young people between 10 to 24. ”
The 3 things you and your teen need to know about suicide:
1. Break the Trust
Often times suicidal youth don’t know who to tell that they are having these thoughts, and end up telling their closest friends. They may follow up the disclosure with a stinging “but.. Please don’t tell anyone!” That friend is then stuck deciding between getting help from an adult or breaking the trust.
Tell your teen that trust needs to be broken in this situation- it’s vital that they share this information to keep their friend safe. The trust doesn’t need to be completely shattered though- they can express their concern without having to break all trust of the friendship.
2. Involve Trusted & Trained Adults
Instruct your child to notify a trusted adult ASAP! Tell them to wake you up if you’re asleep or call you if you’re not together. It’s ok if you don’t know exactly what to do in that moment: but praise your child for involving an adult and advocating for their friend. If you know the child in crisis’ parent’s information contact them with your concerns. When in doubt contact the police or the local crisis line for support. These trusted and trained adults can help provide the youth with the follow-up support they need through a therapist or a school social worker.
It’s critical we convey this message to youth and parents: no one expects you to be a trained crisis counselor, or even when it’s ‘necessary’ to involve one. Instead, your role is to simply pass along your concerns to a professional who can more fully assess the risk and offer appropriate levels of care.
3. Answer The Cry
Myth: Talking about suicide increases the likelihood of that person having or acting upon suicidal thoughts. Fact: Talking about suicide is crucial in managing stigma and increasing awareness of resources and sports available. Talking openly about suicide shows others you can be trusted with these very difficult thoughts and emotions.
Myth: People who have suicidal thoughts don’t tell anyone these thoughts. Fact: People experiencing suicidal thoughts often feel stigmatized and nervous disclosing these thoughts. But, when they do share these thoughts with people they trust, it is a cry for help - even if they’re not directly asking for help.
It may be difficult to determine if there is a true threat or if it is a cry for attention. Even though you or your child may not believe this youth is truly at risk, and they may be just doing it for attention it is vital that they are offered the support. Regardless of if it is a cry for attention or a cry for help, it is important that the cry be answered. You are not expected to determine the validity of the statements, rather your role is crucial to linking to the professionals who can better assess the risk. It’s best to take every statement seriously, and have a trained professional determine the true risk.
Encourage your youth to reach out to that person posting the cryptic Snapchat post that may or may not be suicidal. Encourage them to check in with them and offer support, rather than thinking someone closer to them will do it. This is the small yet mighty way that we can all become better advocates for mental health- don’t shy away.
Make a plan with your teen regarding what they should do, and what you will do to help them.
Having the conversation ahead of time can eliminate the stigma and concern that may keep them silent.
If you need further support on how to best support your teen or if you’re interested in having Tina come talk to you or a group about assessing for and preventing teen suicide, please contact us.
3 Reasons Why Giving a Hug is the Least You Can Do This Holiday Season
If you’re not looking forward to seeing a certain family member (or all your family members, no shame here) this holiday season, you’re not alone.
When standing toe to toe with a task that feels much too big - like enjoying everyone’s company this holiday season- it is always powerful to start with one small change. There is one, scientifically proven, small change that you can make this year to benefit those you come in contact with and yourself.
Here are 3 reasons why you should be extra generous with the hugs this holiday season, even to those you’re not the most thankful for:
The weather is cooling down, the days are getting shorter, and the holidays are creeping near. We all hope for a Hallmark-worthy holiday: you know it… the loved ones gathered around smiling and well-posed, the iconic meal perfectly plated with ease, and everyone enjoying each others’ company with thankful hearts and stimulating conversation….
….Yet, those are hard to come by. Instead, the kids chasing each other around with Nerf guns, all the guests are congregating in the kitchen as you cook, and you remember that there’s no possible way all this food can be served hot. And, without fail, that certain someone will have one-too-many glasses of wine - despite your valiant efforts to keep the bottle as far away from them as possible on the table. The conversation will turn awkward and uncomfortable, and you’ll remember why you said last year you were going to throw in the towel and start using the holiday time for personal vacation.
If you’re not looking forward to seeing a certain family member (or all your family members, no shame here) this holiday season, you’re not alone.
When standing toe to toe with a task that feels much too big - like enjoying everyone’s company this holiday season- it is always powerful to start with one small change.
There is one, scientifically proven, small change that you can make this year to benefit those you come in contact with and yourself.
3 reasons why you should be extra generous with the hugs this holiday season:
(even to those you’re not the most thankful for)
IT’S CHEMICALLY GOOD FOR THEM, AND FOR YOU
It’s pretty common knowledge that all the lovey-dovey stuff releases oxytocin, the “cuddle hormone,” which gives us that cozy blanket, fuzzy socks, and warm cocoa on a wintery day feeling. Oxytocin also, “promotes feelings of devotion, trust, and bonding,”
and can even make people, “less reactive when faced with potentially threatening experiences.” When released this powerful hormone not only injects you with feelings of smiles and rainbows, but it also fights the stress hormone cortisol that produces tension and panic.
Research by Michael Murphy, PH.D., from Carnegie Mellon University shows that an increase in oxytocin is “linked to less of a ‘fight-or-flight’ response to stressful situations.” More of the feel-good hormones leads us to feeling safer, more cared for, and less reactive. So incorporating more hugs can not only make you feel happier in the moment, it can also prevent the mid-dinner political debate from becoming too threatening. So instead of focusing on spreading the cheer this holiday season, prioritize spreading the oxytocin.
2. IT CAN KEEP YOU AND YOUR HEART HEALTHIER
Although it may feel as if getting physically close to your family this holiday season may make you physically ill, research shows that hugging it out actually makes you healthier.
In addition to lower blood pressure and heart rates, research shows that the increase of oxytocin, provided to you and your loved one during a hug, can help stabilize your immune systems. Carnegie Mellon research study found that individuals who received more hugs and had more social support had less severe symptoms of illness. When we are threatened, or under stress, our immune system responds accordingly, and acts more aggressively than it may need to, leading to increased risk of illness.
If you tend to battle colds when the weather changes for good and the snow starts to stick, being a generous hugger may help you give your immune system the TLC it needs to keep it in check. Murphy added a personal anecdote to his findings, stating that “[He is] far more likely to offer a hug than [he] used to be,” and that it’s now his, “‘go-to’ response,” for when his own loved ones are distressed. See! It even changed the scientist’s ways!
3. THE MORE THE MERRIER
It may be obvious that hugs are good for everyone, and provides both the young and the young at heart, with a more solid sense of belonging. But, there are a few people at your dinner table that may benefit even more than the others from some extra bear hugs this year - the young and the old.
A UCLA study showed that a loving, nurturing, and affectionate environment is linked to a child’s long-term health trajectory. There is a link between how much touch a child receives and their ability to manage and cope with stress when they reach adulthood. So when the kids start to fight and get stir-crazy this year, be sure to give them an extra tight squeeze for their future.
Older adults need more hugs too; they benefit the most from physical contact and the health benefits associated with hugs. In a Swedish study, the older adults who received hugs and physical touch, connected with friends and visitors, and were otherwise active socially, had a tendency to thrive more than less social residents. Proving that both physical and social connectino are vital to keeping our loved ones healthy and happy.
You may not be eager to invite everyone in your family over for the big holiday meal and set up a hugging circle; I get it.
But, maybe the research will marinate on your little Grinch heart and make it grow a few sizes larger this holiday season.
Maybe you will funnel your holiday stress and worry into focusing on making one small change this year, for the betterment of you and those around you.
We all wish for good health and happiness for ourselves and our loved ones during the holiday season - and now we can make that wish come true with a simple hug.
Hugging is not for everyone. This post is not meant to encourage a compromise of personal boundaries when it comes to emotional and physical comfort. Always trust your gut when it comes to connecting with others both emotionally and physically. If a hug feels unsafe, don’t do it. Your sense of safety is always the priority. *
