Therapy Insights on Parenting, Couples, and Mental Health
Valentine's Day and Beyond: Supporting Children's Social Growth
As a Child & Family Therapist Intern at Empower Family Therapy and mother of two school-age children, I've observed how school celebrations like Valentine's Day become important emotional touchpoints in children's lives. Through my professional training and personal experience, I've discovered these moments offer valuable insights into children's emotional development.
While parents may feel overwhelmed by the commercialization and pressure surrounding these celebrations, beneath the surface lies an opportunity to understand our children's social-emotional growth. When children deliberate over Valentine’s cards or navigate social expectations, they process deeper feelings about friendship, belonging, and self-expression.
In my play therapy sessions, I witness how these social experiences impact children throughout the year. Some express anxiety about meeting social expectations, while others struggle with the emotional intensity of the interactions. Through therapeutic play, children can process these feelings safely and naturally.
Even commercialized celebrations can become opportunities for emotional growth. By acknowledging our children's feelings—excitement, anxiety, or reluctance—we help develop their emotional awareness. Parents can support authentic connections by:
Letting children guide their participation level
Encouraging creative, low-cost expressions of friendship
Using experiences to discuss genuine relationships
Monitoring signs that children need extra support
While we can’t shield children from commercial influences, we can help them develop emotional tools to navigate these experiences authentically.
Here are some questions to ask your child that offer the opportunity to deepen the connection –
What made you feel proud today?
Did anyone do something that made you feel special?
Would you like to talk about anything that felt hard today?
How did it feel to give the Valentines to your classmates?
What do you think makes someone a good friend?
Written by Kelly Owen, M.S.
Child and Family Therapist Intern
If you’d like to learn more about supporting your child’s emotional development, contact us at hello@empowerfamilytherapy to explore how Play Therapy can help your child build lasting social-emotional skills.
Negotiating Consequences
Negotiating consequences WITH your kid is an easy tweak to make, that results in more ‘buy in,’ and compliance from your kid as they are actively engaged and participating in the process of determining a consequence. It offers autonomy to your youth in a time when they may feel powerless to the consequence of not meeting and expectation
Parents dread giving their kids consequences.
Your kid then pouts, storms off, gives them the silent treatment, or worse - makes the punishment a punishment for you. You know… the good ol’ ‘No Phone for a Week,’ consequence only to have your kid pester and bother you begging for it back, constantly begging to use your phone, or being out of contact for hours because ‘they don’t have a phone.’ It’s a tactic kids and teens use to wear down their parents, and more often than not it works! But, don’t worry - there is a way to avoid this resistance regarding consequences.
The answer is ….. Drum roll, please…..
Negotiation.
“My kid has been struggling at school and at home a lot lately. We’ve taken away his phone and grounded him from seeing friends outside of school, but there’s not much improvement and we are running out of things to take away! He seems to care less and less every time we give a consequence.” - local parent
Often times as parents, we feel the need to utilize our power and prescribe a strict consequence regiment. We want to be sure we are addressing the negative behaviors, but fear piling up the consequences in fear that our kid will revolt and make our lives a living hell. Plus, who has extra time and brain power to monitor 5 different consequences for one kid? Let alone if you have more than one child! Phew. No way.
Negotiating consequences WITH your kid is an easy tweak to make, that results in more ‘buy in,’ and compliance from your kid as they are actively engaged and participating in the process of determining a consequence. It offers autonomy to your youth in a time when they may feel powerless to the consequence of not meeting and expectation. Teens and youth tend to describe this method as feeling, “more fair.”
The only catch (of course, there’s always a little catch) to this strategy is that it takes some preparation on your part to come up with options ahead of the conversation. But, if you are following our tips from 5 Ways You’re Allowing Your Kids to Beat You at Your Own Consequences, you should already be taking a cool-down time prior to prescribing a consequence, and during that time you can prepare 2 logical consequences to address the behavior/missed expectation.
Here are a few examples:
Would you prefer to lose dessert tonight or go to bed 30 minutes earlier?
Would you prefer to lose your phone for the day or have to vacuum/mop the house?
Would you prefer to lose screen time for the week or cancel your weekend sleepover plans?
I want to clarify that including your youth in negotiating consequences is NOT a form of compromising: we are not bargaining on the consequence, rather we are introducing two equivalent options for them to make a choice.
Of course, this strategy does not work in every situation and should not completely replace assigning a singular, specific consequence. I suggest parents utilize this strategy when children/teens react appropriately to the discussion of the expectation not being met, as a token of appreciation for good participation during the interaction. If there is arguing, tantruming, or talking back. it may not be effective or appropriate to offer them a choice in the consequences this time around.
For many of you this will help you collaborate better with your youth, and avoid consequences becoming a punishment for you as the parent. If you’d like more support with implementing these tips with your youth, reach out to us directly by emailing Tina@EmpowerFamilyTherapy.com
Consequences still not going smoothly with your kid? Check out our blog post about how your kids are outsmarting you when it comes to consequences