Setting Boundaries at Holiday Time

What Are Boundaries?

Boundaries—what does that even mean, anyway? It’s a hot topic on social media, and the outcome seems great, but how do you actually do it? And even if you know how to set them, how do you keep them when Mom, Grandma, or *shudders* your in-laws are persistent, pushy, or downright rude?

The first step is understanding what boundaries truly are. TikToks or Instagram posts don’t always tell the full story.

Simply put, boundaries are guidelines that define how others treat us—and how we treat ourselves.

Boundaries Aren’t Punishments

You might’ve seen posts that make boundaries sound like punishments, but they’re not. A consequence (which isn’t the same as punishment) can be part of maintaining a boundary—but generally after it’s been violated.

We can have boundaries in many areas, including:

• Relationships

• Professional settings

• Family interactions

• Personal time

• Social commitments

• Financial decisions

How to Set Healthy Boundaries

Here’s a simple process for setting boundaries that stick—especially useful around the holidays:

1. Identify Your Boundary: Start by recognizing what matters to you. For example: “Alone time to recharge is important to me.”

2. Communicate Clearly: State your boundary and, if appropriate, share what the consequence might be if it’s not respected. Example: “I need to have my own room at Christmas to have an escape. If that’s not possible, I may need to stay elsewhere or make other plans.”

3. Explain (If You Want To): You can share why a boundary matters—do this only if you have the emotional capacity. Example: “I know you love having everyone together, but it’s important to me to have a quiet space.”

4. Follow Through: This is key; If you don’t follow through, people may not take your boundaries seriously next time (remember the boy who cried wolf?)

   Pro Tip: Setting a boundary isn’t about controlling others—it’s about communicating what you will do if your needs aren’t respected.

When a boundary is crossed, calmly remind the person once or twice before implementing the consequence. Of course, how firm or flexible you are depends on the situation and your comfort level.

Setting Holiday Boundaries

Now that you know how boundaries work, let’s talk about holiday boundaries—because family gatherings, financial stress, and packed schedules can make this season especially tricky.

Here are some types of boundaries you might consider setting during the holidays:

• Conversation Boundaries: Topics you are or aren’t willing to discuss

• Time Boundaries: How long you’ll stay at family events or how many gatherings you’ll attend

• Financial Boundaries: How much you’ll spend on gifts or travel

• Parenting Boundaries: What’s okay (and not okay) for extended family to give your kids

Your holiday boundaries might differ from others’, and that’s okay! They might even shift throughout the season depending on what’s happening in your life. The key is communicating any changes clearly and kindly—leave the “gotcha” surprises in October with Halloween.

Dealing with Pushback

When you set boundaries—especially new ones—it’s normal to get some pushback.

If relatives, friends, or loved ones react negatively, try this approach:

1. Acknowledge their feelings. (“I understand you wish I could stay longer.”)

2. Restate your boundary clearly and calmly. (“I really need that downtime to feel my best.”)

Remember that their frustration is for them to manage, not you. Boundaries help you protect your peace, not please everyone else.

Need Support Setting Boundaries?

If you need support in setting boundaries or processing the responses you get when setting them (or anything else going on in the world or your life right now), please reach out to us at Empower Family Therapy. We’re here to help family time not suck, after all!

Written by Lauren Buroker, LMFT

Supporting Neurodivergent Kids on Halloween: Tips for a Joyful and Inclusive Holiday

Does your child struggle with days like Halloween because the social expectations feel overwhelming? Do they get anxious or dysregulated just knowing Halloween is approaching? As a parent, do you want your child to feel included, but not pushed past their personal boundaries? 

If so, you're not alone; I am here to give you some tips and tricks for this upcoming spooky season! 

I’ve worked with many children and adolescents on the autism spectrum, and one of the most challenging holidays I see them navigate is Halloween. While it's marketed as “fun” for kids, it often brings sensory overload, anxiety, and confusion for neurodivergent children. 

Let’s talk about why, and what you can do to create a happy, healthy, and regulated Halloween experience for your child (and you!). 

Why Halloween Can Be Overwhelming for Neurodivergent Kids:

On Halloween, children are often expected to: 

• Say “please,” “thank you,” and “trick or treat” over and over again 

• Interact with strangers, sometimes in unfamiliar or unpredictable settings

• Wear costumes that may be itchy, restrictive, or just uncomfortable 

• Navigate noisy, visually stimulating environments with flashing lights, sound effects, scary decorations, and crowds 

These expectations can be hard even for neurotypical children, so imagine how overwhelming it can feel for those who have autism, highly sensitive, or sensory-avoidant. 

Tips for Choosing a Sensory-Friendly Halloween Costume: 

Helping your child feel comfortable in their costume can make a big difference in how they experience the night. Here are some ways to support them: 

1. Choose Soft, Comfortable Materials

   Opt for breathable, non-irritating fabrics like cotton or fleece. Look for flat seams and tag-free designs or remove tags ahead of time. 

2. Avoid Tight or Restrictive Clothing 

   Loose-fitting costumes allow for free movement and reduce discomfort. Think pajama-style costumes or relaxed character outfits 

3. Skip the Accessories 

   Wigs, masks, and face paint can be fun, but they can also trigger sensory challenges. If your child finds them overwhelming, leave them out. It is okay for them to try certain accessories, but allow them the autonomy to say “no” if they wish to remove the accessory or not wear it at all. 

4. Go with the Familiar 

   Costumes that resemble everyday clothes, such as a favorite superhero shirt or comfy animal onesie can be less stressful. There are lots of costumes you can create out of the clothing they wear on a daily basis and are already comfortable in! 

5. Practice Ahead of Time 

   Have your child wear the costume for short periods before Halloween. This gives them time to adjust, and you get more use out of the outfit! 

Sensory-Friendly Trick-or-Treating Tips: 

1. Use a Trick-or-Treat Sign 

   If verbal greetings are difficult or eventually get exhausting, let your child carry a small sign that says “Trick or Treat.” You can decorate it together and attach it to their candy bag for a personal touch. 

2. Go Out Earlier in the Day 

   Daylight hours tend to be calmer and less overwhelming. Avoid the nighttime chaos when possible; fewer flashing lights, sudden movements, and spooky sounds. Plus, you get the king size candy bars before they run out! 

3. Use Glow Sticks for Visibility 

   Turn glow sticks into necklaces, bracelets, or wrap them around their candy bucket. It adds fun and makes them easier to spot as it gets dark.

4. Consider a Teal Pumpkin or Blue Candy Bucket 

   The teal/blue candy bucket in recent years has begun to symbolize kids with autism and/or sensory needs. A teal/blue pumpkin bucket (widely available online) can signal to others that your child may need accommodations or a little extra dash of patience. 

Coping with FOMO (fear of missing out): Alternatives to Trick-or-Treating Trick-or-treating just isn’t for every child and that’s completely okay. 

Instead of worrying about missing out, create a Halloween experience that works for your family. Here are a few sensory-friendly Halloween alternatives: 

• Attend “trunk-or-treat” events or daytime community festivals, which tend to be more structured and less chaotic. 

• Host a family fun night at home with Halloween games, crafts, and treats. 

• Set up candy stations in different rooms of your house. Your child can collect candy, small toys, or stickers in a calm and familiar environment. 

Make Halloween Work for Your Family: 

Halloween should be fun, safe, and accessible for all children, not just those who meet the traditional expectations of behavior, communication, or dress. 

As a parent, you can empower your child by creating inclusive experiences that honor their boundaries and celebrate who they are. With a little planning and empathy, Halloween can be joyful, not stressful, for neurodivergent children and their families!

Contact Us to explore support options for your child and family

Written by Maryclaire Ahlgren, LSW

He’s Yelling at the Refs...She’s Yelling at Him: A Relationship Survival Guide to Game Day (Before, During, and After)

For some couples, Football Sunday is sacred. For others, it can be a day that they dread. One partner wants connection; the other just wants to yell at the TV in peace. It’s a dynamic I see often as a therapist, where something small like football becomes symbolic of something bigger, “I don’t feel seen.”

But here’s the truth: football isn’t the enemy. Disconnection is. And the fix isn’t giving up what you love, it’s learning how to ask for what you need while also considering your partner’s needs.

This is your Football Sunday Playbook, a therapist-approved guide for keeping your relationship connected before, during, and after the game.

Before the Game: Set the Tone, Not the Trap

The time before kickoff sets the emotional temperature and vibe for the whole day. Most conflicts can be prevented just by naming what each person needs upfront.

For The Non-Watcher

• Ask directly. Instead of “Do you have to watch all day?” try, “Could we spend 30 minutes together before the game so I feel connected?”

• Plan your own joy. What fills your cup? Schedule it. Don’t wait for your partner to read your mind.
  
  

For The Watcher

• Reassure early. “I’m excited for the game, but I want to make sure we spend time together first.” Simple, but powerful and effective.

• Set expectations. Let your partner know when you’ll be present, and what to expect after the game. Adjust expectations 

Create a pre-game ritual. Share breakfast, take a short walk, or plan dinner for later. Small connections create big emotional security.

During the Game: Stay Connected, Respect the Space

Football can be immersive, and that’s okay. The goal isn’t to interrupt it, but to keep connection alive in small, intentional ways.

For The Non-Watcher

• Choose connection moments. Ask: “Can I join you for a quarter?” or “Text me when you take a break, I want to say hi.”

• Avoid scorekeeping. Resentment builds fast when the focus shifts to fairness instead of connection.
  
  

For The Watcher

• Be responsive. A quick glance, smile, or halftime check-in signals “I still see you.”

• Invite gently. If your partner wants to join, let them feel welcomed, not like they are interrupting a sacred ritual.

Choose one “connection checkpoint.” Halftime, snack refill, or a quick cuddle. Something consistent, not forced.

After the Game: Reconnect Intentionally

The game might end, but your connection doesn’t have to. How you come back together after individual time determines how safe the relationship feels.

For The Non-Watcher

• Ask directly for reconnection. “Let’s do something small after the game. Dinner or a walk?”

• Acknowledge effort. Appreciation builds trust faster than criticism. Try: “Thank you for making the time.” or “I feel seen when you make the time to meet my needs.”
  
  

For The Watcher

• Transition back. Once the game ends, don’t stay emotionally checked out. Rejoin your partner’s world.

• Follow through. If you said you’d connect after, do it. That consistency earns respect and deepens trust.

Create a post-game ritual. Dinner, dessert, or catching up about the weekend. Connection after independence keeps love balanced.

The Football Sunday Playbook for Couples

A simple before, during, and after checklist to keep connection strong.

Before the Game

• Share a meal, coffee, or walk together to connect before kickoff.

• Each partner clearly names what they need.

• Make a plan: when does connection happen, when does personal time happen?

• Express appreciation early.

During the Game

• Respect boundaries. No guilt trips or sabotage.

• For the watcher: Check in briefly (eye contact, touch, smile).

• For the non-watcher: Fill your own cup! (self-care, friends, hobbies)

• Keep playfulness handy. (“If your team wins, I bet you a massage.”)

After the Game

• Reconnect. Transition out of game mode into “us” mode.

• Debrief the weekend and plan for the week ahead.

• Do something small together. (dinner, dessert, couch time)

• End with gratitude: “I liked that we both got what we needed today.”

Game Over, Love Wins

When both partners ask clearly and listen generously, connection becomes easy, even on Football Sunday. The goal isn’t to win; it’s to stay on the same team. When both partners communicate their needs openly and consider what matters to the other, it turns into something deeper than just game day, it becomes a rhythm of respect and appreciation.

At the end of the day, the real win isn’t on the scoreboard, it’s in your living room, where teamwork and connection are always the most valuable plays.

Contact us to explore couples therapy and learn how to stay on the same team—on game day and beyond

Written by Hayley Caddell, ALMFT

Backpacks, Bedtimes & Burnout: Don’t Let School Stress Kill Your Relationship

As a therapist (and someone who’s watched more than a few couples go from “hot” to “help” once the school bell rings), I see this every year:
The kids go back to school, and suddenly your partner feels more like a co-parenting coworker than a lover.

And it’s not just you. Research shows that major life transitions, like the start of a new school year, can spike conflict and reduce emotional connection. You’re juggling morning routines, lunch duty, and soccer schedules… and forgetting the last time you flirted over dinner instead of passing out during “Bluey”.

So how do I help couples through it?

• We bring back the basics: daily check-ins, clear communication, appreciation, even if it’s just for taking out the trash without being asked.

• We revisit love languages. Know yours… and your partners.

• We call out the stress and name the shift. That alone lowers tension.

• And here’s my favorite playful tip: pack a love note in your partner’s work bag or lunchbox. Yep, just like you do for the kids. Corny? Maybe. Effective? Every time.
  

If you're feeling the disconnection, therapy can be the space to reset.
You’re not failing, you're just adjusting. And I can help.

Schedule a couples session and come as you are (even if that’s in yoga pants and griping onto that coffee like a lifeline).

Written by Hayley Caddell, ALMFT

Keywords: relationship stress during back to school, couples therapy for parents, reconnecting after summer, playful relationship tips, parenting and romance balance

Burning Out at Work and in Your Relationship: How to Protect Your Partnership from Stress

Work is one of the most common sources of stress, and when burnout sets in, its effects can spread far beyond the office. Research tells us that stress is contagious: as social and deeply connected beings, we often absorb the tension of those around us. This means that workplace burnout doesn’t just stay at work—it can spill over into your home life and strain your closest relationships. Learning to recognize the signs of burnout in yourself and your partnership is the first step toward protecting both from its impact.

Signs You’re Experiencing Work Burnout

The World Health Organization defines burnout as “a syndrome conceptualized as resulting from chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed.”

The three major characteristics of burnout are:

• Emotional exhaustion or feeling drained

• Feeling disconnected from your work or increased cynicism about your job

• Reduced sense of satisfaction or accomplishment in your work
  

If you are experiencing burnout you might also notice these impacts on your relationship:

• Feeling more irritated by your partner than usual

• A reduced desire to intimately connect with your partner - either physically and/or emotionally

• Not being excited to spend time with your partner doing things you use to enjoy

If you recognize yourself in these signs, you’re not failing or weak, it’s a normal response to prolonged stress.

For the Stressed-Out Partner: How to Manage Burnout and Protect Your Relationship

If you’re the one feeling work burnout, consider taking a step back and reflecting on how it is impacting you and your partner. If you recognize your stress is taking a toll on your relationship, start by taking care of yourself and working on better managing your stress. Here are some strategies to start with:

Prioritize Self-Care

Engage in regular practices that care for your body, such as movement, nourishing meals, and quality sleep. Reflect on your screen time and how you spend your time outside of work—make space for activities that bring you joy and rest. Effective stress management for couples starts with individual self-care.

Tune In to Your Stress Signals

Work on understanding the physical, emotional, and mental signs that you’ve had a stressful day. This helps you communicate with your partner and implement coping strategies before stress escalates.

Create a “Leaving Work” Routine

Many of us work from home now, making it hard to separate work and personal life. Create a ritual that signals the end of your workday, such as:

• Listening to a specific playlist on your commute home

• Taking a short walk after shutting your laptop for the day 

• Changing your clothes or closing the door on your home office
  

These small acts can help your brain and body transition from work mode to home mode and reduce work from home burnout.

For Couples: How to Protect Your Relationship from Work Stress

Both partners can take responsibility to be proactive in creating healthy boundaries around work that can help decrease the impact of work stress or burnout on the relationship. Here are a few strategies:

Practice Meta-Communication

Before unloading about your day, check in first:
“Is it okay if I talk about this problem I’m having at work?”
Then clarify what you need: Do you want them to just listen, or help you problem-solve?

Utilize Your Support System

Don’t rely on your partner as your only source of support. Call a friend or family member so that the weight of burnout doesn’t fall solely on your relationship.

Set Boundaries Around Work Conversations

If every dinner conversation revolves around workplace stress, it can bring you both down. Set parameters such as:

• Talking about work only while prepping dinner

• Limiting work talk to the first 10 minutes after a walk together

• Using a timer to keep work conversations from extending longer than you want them to
  

Talk About Work Differently

If conversations about work feel repetitive and draining, shift the focus to more meaningful questions:

• What do you enjoy most about your job right now?

• When do you feel the most confident at work?

• When do you feel most supported by me in your job—and why?
  

Feeling the weight of work burnout in your relationship is common, and it doesn’t mean your relationship has to suffer. The stress you feel is real and valid, and with the right strategies, you can manage it together.

If you and your partner are struggling with work stress and relationship dynamics, consider reaching out for professional support. Our therapists at Empower Family Therapy can provide both individual and relational support to help you implement these strategies and explore the narratives you both hold about the role of work in your lives.

Written by: Isabel Caisse, ALMFT

Sources:

https://dralexandrasolomon.com/protecting-your-intimate-relationship-from-the-impact-of-work-stress/

https://www.who.int/news/item/28-05-2019-burn-out-an-occupational-phenomenon-international-classification-of-diseases

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/everyone-on-top/202112/how-burnout-can-affect-your-relationship

Therapy Near the West Loop: Support for Busy Chicago Professionals and Families

The West Loop is one of Chicago’s most vibrant neighborhoods. On Randolph Street, you’ll find some of the city’s best restaurants. Along Fulton Market, loft offices and creative spaces hum with energy. Families gather at Mary Bartelme Park, while professionals head into late meetings or after-work events. Life here is full, fast, and often nonstop.

That pace can be inspiring, but it comes with a cost. Long hours, packed calendars, and the pressure to “keep up” can make it hard to find space for yourself or your family. Many people in this part of Chicago share the same experience: building a life they care about, but struggling to carve out time to actually take care of their wellbeing.

Having a therapist near the West Loop means support is accessible. You don’t have to trek across the city or rearrange your entire week.

Why Convenience Matters in Therapy

People often start therapy with the best intentions, but when it feels like a hassle to get to, sessions are the first thing to go. A long commute, circling for parking, or trying to wedge an appointment into an already packed week can make therapy feel impossible to sustain.

That’s why location matters. Our Chicago therapy office is just north of the West Loop, with street parking available right outside and the North/Clybourn Red Line station within walking distance. For professionals heading home from the Loop or parents juggling school pick-up and dinner, having a therapist near the West Loop makes it easier to commit and keep therapy consistent.

And consistency is what allows therapy to move beyond crisis mode. When it’s accessible, therapy becomes part of your week—a place to reset, process, and actually make lasting change.

Therapy for Professionals in the West Loop

The West Loop is home to many of Chicago’s busiest professionals in tech, hospitality, finance, and creative industries. The opportunities are exciting, but the pressure to perform often leads to stress and burnout.

Working with a West Loop therapist provides space to slow down and reflect. Sessions often focus on:

• Stress and burnout prevention

• Navigating workplace dynamics and communication

• Balancing career and personal life

• Managing transitions such as promotions or job changes
  

Having access to a Chicago therapist nearby means therapy fits into your schedule instead of competing with it.

Therapy for Families Near the West Loop

The West Loop has also become a family-friendly neighborhood with schools, playgrounds, and community spaces. Parents here juggle demanding jobs, busy home lives, and the challenges of raising children in the city.

At Empower Family Therapy, we offer:

• Family therapy to strengthen communication and connection

• Couples counseling to keep parents and partners aligned

• Individual therapy for parents, teens, or children navigating stress or change

Convenient access to our Chicago therapy office makes it easier for families to keep care consistent.

A Relational and Practical Approach

Empower Family Therapy takes a systemic, relational approach. We consider the full context of your life—relationships, work culture, family dynamics, and cultural identity—not just symptoms in isolation.

Clients describe therapy here as collaborative and practical. You’ll leave with insight and strategies you can actually apply, not abstract ideas that fade the next day.

Start Therapy Near the West Loop

If you’re ready to begin therapy, convenience shouldn’t be a barrier. Our office is only minutes from the West Loop with parking, public transit access, and telehealth options.

Whether you’re a professional managing the pace of work or a family looking for stronger connection, we’re here to support you.

Schedule your first session by visiting our Contact Page or emailing Hello@EmpowerFamilyTherapy.com.

Getting to Know Your Inner World: An Introduction to Internal Family Systems and Parts Work

There’s a moment in therapy I’ve come to notice, when someone says something like, “I don’t know why I’m doing this,” or “Part of me wants to change, but another part is terrified.”  That moment usually signals that we’ve arrived at something meaningful.

In Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, we pause at that place. We slow down and turn inward, not to judge or fix, but to listen and engage. This model invites us to view our inner world with more compassion, less urgency, and more nuance than most of us were taught.

If you’ve never heard of IFS and parts work before, it can sound abstract or strange at first. However, most people already use this framework before they even know its name!

What Is Internal Family Systems Therapy?

IFS is an evidence-based, non-pathologizing therapy model that sees the mind as made up of multiple “parts,” each with its own story, emotion, motivation and strategy. Perhaps you notice thoughts coming from your inner critic, inner child, people-pleaser, or perfectionist. These are examples of the parts that show up for us!

Like a family, these parts interact and form a system. And like any system under stress, parts can end up in conflict. The IFS model teaches us that every part, even the ones that seem sabotaging or chaotic, is trying to help in some way. Each one is shaped by experience, by protection, and by pain.

At the core of this system is something deeper: the Self, a calm, clear, compassionate presence that exists in everyone. In IFS, healing happens not by silencing or fighting your parts, but by helping them trust the leadership of the Self.

You’ve Probably Already Noticed Your Parts

Most people are familiar with inner conflict:

• “There’s a part of me that wants to set a boundary, and another part that’s terrified to upset anyone.”

• “One part is exhausted, but another says I should be doing more.”

• “I feel like I keep sabotaging myself, and I don’t know why.”

• “It feels like the old me comes out every time I’m around family.”

Rather than treating these experiences as irrational or broken, IFS invites us to approach them as purposeful adaptations. What if that inner critic is trying to protect you from judgment? What if that numbing behavior once helped you survive something painfully overwhelming?

Parts work isn’t about getting rid of your parts; it’s about getting to know them!

The Three Main Types of Parts in IFS

While every part is unique, they generally fall into one of three roles:

1. Exiles

These parts hold pain, shame, fear, or trauma. They often represent younger experiences that were too overwhelming to process at the time. Many people spend years unknowingly pushing their exiles away not because they don’t care, but because it’s too hard to face the feelings they carry.

2. Managers

Managers try to keep the system functioning. They are proactive protectors and often control how we show up in the world. This is where perfectionism, people-pleasing, and emotional suppression show up. Managers want stability and predictability. They’ll do whatever it takes to prevent exiles from being triggered and avoid sending the system into overwhelm.

3. Firefighters

When exiles do break through, firefighters jump in fast. They are reactive protectors. They jump into action, sometimes impulsively, to soothe or distract from the emotional overwhelm. This might show up as shutting down, dissociation, bingeing, self-harm, yelling, and avoiding. Their intention is to protect, even if their strategy isn’t always helpful or sustainable.

One of the core assumptions of IFS is that all parts are welcome, even the ones that make you uncomfortable. This includes the ones maybe you wish would go away.

What Happens in an IFS-Informed Therapy Session?

IFS sessions often start with mindfulness and grounding. We want to be able to signal to our body and parts that we are safe. Then, we start with gentle curiosity and a bit of exploration. I might ask, “Can we check in with the part of you that’s feeling overwhelmed?”, “How do you feel toward that anxious part right now?”, or "What sensations do you feel in your body when this part shows up?” 

Because we’re not trying to fix our parts, we don’t  jump into problem-solving. We take our time and ask questions like:

• What does this part want you to know?

• When did it first show up?

• What is it afraid may happen if it doesn’t step in?

Over time, your relationship with these parts begins to shift. You will be able to understand them better and start to feel compassion for them. This can open a new sense of acceptance for your parts, lessen feelings of guilt and shame, and allow you to better connect with your core self. 

You don’t need to have a trauma history to benefit from parts work. You just need to be willing to slow down and listen inwardly in a new way.

Benefits of IFS and Parts Work

Many people come to therapy feeling torn between what they want and how they act, between how they feel and how they believe they should feel.

Parts work offers an integrative path forward. Clients who engage in IFS therapy often report:

• Less internal conflict and self-judgment

• Greater emotional regulation and clarity

• Healing from past wounds without needing to relive every detail

• A stronger self-esteem and sense of wholeness

• Improved relationships through relating from the Self rather than reactivity

Whether you’re navigating trauma, anxiety, relational patterns, intellectualization, or burnout, parts work offers a language for feelings or experiences that just seem too complex to put into words.

What Draws Me to IFS as a Therapist

What resonates with me the most about IFS is its openness and acceptance. There’s no hierarchy of acceptable emotions. Instead, it centers understanding the internal strategies that you developed to survive, even if they now leave you feeling stuck.

As a therapist, I often work with clients who’ve been told they’re the problem, too sensitive, too much, or not enough. Hearing this often enough contributes to developing a very complicated and strained relationship with yourself. Parts work helps shift the narrative from “What’s wrong with me?” to “What’s happening inside of me? Where did I learn to think this way?”

It creates space to meet yourself with more honesty, nuance, and compassion.

Final Thoughts: Everyone Has Parts

We all have parts. Some have learned to speak up. Others have learned to disappear. Some may still feel eight years old. Others that have been performing adulthood like a role for years.

Your parts and how they respond make sense in their specific context. It’s just how we adapt to get our needs met within the environment we find ourselves in. With the right support, you can start to unburden your system and ease overwhelm one part at a time.

If you’re feeling stuck in patterns you don’t quite understand, or if you’ve been longing for a deeper connection with yourself, IFS therapy may be worth exploring. It’s not about becoming someone new. It’s about connecting to the Self that’s been there all along. Reach out today and mention my name to start exploring your inner world!

Written by Madison Gunter, ALMFT.

Adding Color to Back-to-School Blues: How to Support Your Child’s Emotional Needs Through Transitions

With any new “stage” of life, anticipatory feelings emerge towards a newness ahead that is not yet experienced. For kids, this newness arises every fall as they prepare for a new classroom, new teacher, new classmates, and new learning objectives. For parents who want to feel more confident in harboring a safe space for their children in preparation for a new school year– and outside of simply academic-based preparations, these emotionally focused tips and tricks are for you. 

Understand

The first crucial step for a parent to take is developing an understanding of what your child experiences through a psychological lens. A child’s brain is very different from an adult’s brain in terms of learned experiences with newness and flexibility towards change. Any new scenario feels “bigger” as if it centers around your child’s whole world.

Humans are creatures of habit, so any change in habits or routine can feel difficult for little minds constantly growing and adjusting. While adults also face anxiety and dysregulation around transitions, they have had more time to practice bouncing back and utilizing appropriate coping strategies. Young children are at a stage where they still need modeling and education in order to gain these same coping skills. These lessons lead to improved emotional resiliency over time.

Here are some signs that your child may be experiencing anticipatory anxiety as they approach a new transition around the corner.

Anticipation towards the upcoming school year may present outwardly over the last month or few weeks of summer, as the fall season draws closer. Many kids look forward to school, but mixed feelings or negative reactions are still very common. As you approach the fall, you may be met with changes in your child’s behavior. Your child may be more resistant, distractible, or they may attempt to negotiate more within conversations. Overwhelming emotions in children also present through full-blown meltdowns that may stem from heightened irritability, anxious feelings bottled up, or even a feeling of grief towards the summer ending. Anger, anxiety, and sadness may feel like a big unspoken ball all tangled up inside- despite the possibility of also feeling excited, happy, and hopeful all at once.

As a note, children who are diagnosed or display signs of neurodivergence could also struggle with these seasonal changes on a greater scale. Common diagnoses that often include criteria for more resistance towards change include anxiety disorders, autism spectrum disorder, ADHD, and sensory processing disorders.

Apply:

Once you have applied this understanding towards your child’s experience, you will feel better prepared to address these behaviors and emotions. Here are some evidence-based therapeutic tools for parents to try at home (and all around!), listed into 3 categories.

1. Routine

• Prepare your child for any changes in routine by implementing “school year routine” expectations early on. For example, go by a set schedule that includes consistent meal times, getting ready for the day, and bedtime too. 

• Using a visual such as a whiteboard or paper calendar template helps children to engrain these routine habits more quickly and consistently. Try a school-based schedule that works around hypothetical school hours a week or two before the summer ends.

• Model excitement within routine building! Whether it be through the mundane daily tasks of life or the once-a-year back to school shopping opportunities. The more you appear “bought in” through your enthusiastic reactions, the more your child will buy into the routines and feel more comfortable about these changes.

• Back to school prep is absolutely a part of the school routines and rituals even though these are errands that usually happen once a year. Through it all, make sure to plan ahead and communicate with your child about expected routine changes and upcoming shopping days.

2. Communication

• You may find it helpful to use a conversational template to help your child master emotional awareness and emotional expression skills. One tool you may want to mindfully integrate by modeling to your child is the use of “I feel” statements. This can look like: “I feel [emotion] because of [trigger]. I can [do this right now to help myself feel better].” 

• When you notice your child growing dysregulated, even over what seems to be a small trigger, you may find it helpful to first validate what you’re noticing. For example, “I see that you are crying, it looks like you feel sad right now and that’s okay. Can you tell me with your words why you feel this way? What can I do to help?” 

• A common therapy tool that helps children identify their feelings is using a feelings wheel to point to and identify which emotions they currently relate with. Below is one example of the many templates out there that parents can use

• For best support through transitions and new routines, practice using clear language in order of events. I.e., “First, Then” statements. Consider implementing the mantra “what we need to do first, what we want to do after.”

3. Coping Skills

• Teaching your child creative, child friendly ways to practice mindfulness and ground themselves helps them get in tune with any underlying emotions and builds self-soothing skills. It is also helpful in the moment for any back to school jitters! Here are a few common therapy-based coping skills you can try practicing with your child:

• Finger breathing: use your finger to smell the flowers, and then blow out the candle. Count to 10 with each inhale/exhale. Remind your child to breathe moving their belly up and down instead of their chest or shoulders.

• 5 senses countdown: a go-to that can also be done anywhere! Have your child name 5 things they can see, 4 things they can feel, 3 things they can hear, 2 things they can smell, and 1 thing they can taste– perhaps ending with a mini mindful snack for this last part.

• Grounding Object: Or, a “pocket grounder” for school. Identify an object such as a fidget, stone, string of beads, etc, that your child can take anywhere with them and tug or squeeze when they are feeling overwhelmed or need reminders of your support. They may imagine that any time they touch this object, it sends a signal to parents and vise versa that they are always here for you even if not in the same place at the same time. Bonus tip: pair this with “The Invisible String” book, which is a great book for addressing separation anxiety. Explain that their grounding object can be their “tug” on the invisible string.

• Art therapy in itself is considered a coping skill, and anyone can do it! One example of a fun art therapy activity that teaches kids emotional resilience and organizational skills is letting them design their own “road map” of the year ahead. You may include “road blocks,” bridges, fun support systems like family and friends waving on the sidelines, and signs that display different events or milestones over the school year that kids look forward to. Try it at home with your child before the start of school; it can be as simple as a big piece of paper and markers! 

Adjusting to transitions may always look a bit bumpy through any stage of life, as anxious adjustment to unexpected changes is a very ‘human’ thing. With the work you put into addressing more “expected” changes such as approaching school years, the more your child will grow in their ability to bounce back and express themselves comfortably even among more stressful times. At the end of the day, parents are their biggest motivators, role models, and cheerleaders. Don’t forget to tell your child: “You’ve got this!” Because, they really do. And so do you!

Written by Avery Foster, LSW

Sources:

https://childmind.org/article/why-do-kids-have-trouble-with-transitions/ 

https://www.naeyc.org/resources/pubs/yc/sep2018/reducing-challenging-behaviors-during-transitions 

https://www.splashlearn.com/blog/back-to-school-anxiety/

Virtual Therapy in Illinois: What to Know, What to Expect, and Where to Start

Ever feel like you need therapy—but don’t have the time, energy, or capacity to get to therapy?

Yes. We hear that a lot. Between work schedules, parenting logistics, the mental load of life, and just trying to stay afloat—it’s no wonder so many people in Illinois are saying:

“I know I need support… but when am I supposed to fit it in?”

Enter: virtual therapy. Real therapy. From home. On your time. No commute, no waiting room, no extra layer of stress.

Let’s break down what you actually need to know—whether you’re brand-new to the idea or just trying to figure out how to get started.

What is Virtual Therapy, Really?

It’s exactly what it sounds like: therapy that happens over secure video (yes, even from your phone). But what makes it work? It’s not just convenience, it’s connection.
You still get the emotional support, the insight, the “whoa, that’s what’s been happening” moments. The only thing missing is the office couch.

If you’re in Illinois, you can work with a licensed therapist from anywhere in the state—your kitchen table, your parked car, or that one quiet corner after the kids go to bed.

What Can You Work On?

This comes up a lot. Clients ask, “Can I really talk about the deep stuff on Zoom?”

The answer is: yes. You can. And we do.

Here’s what we see people work through in virtual therapy every single day:

• Constant anxiety or overwhelm that won’t shut off

• Fights with your partner that leave you both on edge

• Parenting burnout (you love your kids but also… you’re toast)

• Old trauma or grief that’s bubbling up now that life is full again
  

Virtual therapy doesn’t limit what you can talk about—it gives you space to actually show up.

What Happens in the First Session?

Nothing scary, promise.

Your first session is about getting to know you. We’ll talk about what’s been hard, what’s working, and what kind of support you’re looking for.
We’ll also test your tech (which is usually just a link—no downloads, no drama) and make a plan that works for your life.

There’s no pressure to “perform.” Just show up. We’ll guide you from there.

Where in Illinois Can You Access Therapy from Home?

Anywhere. Really.

Our therapists are licensed to serve folks all across Illinois, and we’re already working with individuals and families in:

• DuPage, Lake, and McHenry counties

• North Shore suburbs like Glencoe and Highland Park

• Far suburbs like Oswego, Yorkville, and Gurnee

• Southwest towns like Orland Park and Palos Hills
  
  

And we accept BCBS, Aetna, and Cigna PPO—which means one less thing to stress about

Okay… So How Do I Start?

Here’s the part where a lot of people freeze up. (That’s normal.)

Starting therapy doesn’t have to feel big. It can look like:

1. Reaching out to ask a question—seriously, just say: “Hey, do you take my insurance?”

2. Scheduling one session to try it out.

3. Letting us help with the logistics, so you can focus on you.

You don’t have to be ready for all of it. Just ready to take one step.

Final Thought: Therapy from Home Isn’t a Shortcut. It’s a Lifeline.

Virtual therapy isn’t a backup plan—it’s a legit, powerful way to care for yourself. Especially if life feels loud, full, and like everyone needs something from you.

So if you’re in Illinois and wondering if this could work for you?

It can. And we’re here when you’re ready.

Reach out to explore virtual therapy options

Therapy in Kendall County Without the Drive? Yes, It’s a Thing (and Your PPO Covers It)

You live in Kendall County, Illinois—maybe in Oswego, Yorkville, Plano, or Montgomery . You’ve got kids, work, a never-ending to-do list, and hardly a minute to yourself. Your mornings start with drop-offs and your nights end folding laundry while everyone else sleeps.

Add the emotional labor of managing everyone’s moods, remembering school events, and checking in on your partner? It’s no wonder driving across town for therapy hasn’t made the list.

Virtual therapy in Kendall County is accessible, flexible, and covered by insurance.

Why Virtual Therapy Works for Kendall County Families

Whether you're navigating hybrid work in Oswego, juggling teens and toddlers, or trying to make space for yourself between client calls and dinner cleanup, we see you. The emotional weight is real.

What you need isn’t more pressure. It’s space. Room to breathe. Support that fits your life.

At Empower Family Therapy, we offer Illinois telehealth therapy tailored for Kendall County families—therapy that meets you where you are, with real flexibility.

What You Get with Online Therapy:

• Local Illinois therapists—no commute needed

• Flexible scheduling around real-life demands

• Private sessions from home, your car, or anywhere you need to be

You Don’t Have to Hit Rock Bottom to Ask for Help

You don’t need a crisis to start therapy. Maybe you’re snappier than usual, feeling distant from your partner, or simply exhausted.

Telehealth therapy in Kendall County offers a space to feel seen, supported, and understood—without rearranging your entire life.

Real Support, Covered by Insurance

If you have BCBS PPO, Aetna PPO, or Cigna PPO, we’ll help verify your benefits and guide you through getting started. No insurance runaround. No waitlists.

We support:

• Parents who feel stretched too thin

• Couples stuck in a loop

• Professionals quietly burning out

Contact us today—we’ll answer your questions, walk you through your insurance, and help you feel supported from the start.

The Hidden Work of July

At Empower Family Therapy, we know that healing work doesn’t take a summer break. Whether you're navigating a child’s emotions, your own overstimulation, or the invisible labor of parenting through long, unstructured days, this season can bring up a lot.

Child & Family Therapist Intern, Kelly Owen, shares a gentle reflection on the unseen, yet important emotional work that happens in July, and five therapist-informed ways to slow down with intention.

July can feel chaotic: sprinklers are going in a desperate attempt to keep the lawn alive, voices rise and fall through the house, and fruit flies have appeared in the kitchen.. The days are full of damp towels, missing goggles, and snack negotiations. But beneath the overstimulation, I’ve noticed something else: stillness. A quieter rhythm.

Something is happening, even if it doesn’t announce itself. A kind of hidden work.

As a therapist and a mum to both a teenager and a younger child, I sit with this tension daily. My summer is full of LEGO builds, teenage moods, therapy notes, and half-drunk cups of tea. But beneath it all, a quieter voice has been guiding me lately:

Slow down. Notice. Something is unfolding.

Growth Isn’t Always Obvious

One of the most important things I’ve learned in therapy is that healing doesn’t always look dramatic.

Sometimes a child builds a tower instead of speaking.
Sometimes a parent sends a quiet check-in email.
Sometimes a client stays in the room when they might have walked away.

Progress often shows up quietly. Like a garden, growth doesn’t only happen in dramatic blooms. Sometimes it’s just roots, pushing deeper. You might miss them if you’re only looking for the milestones and the breakthroughs. 

July Makes Space for It

This in-between month softens routines and stirs emotions. There’s more space to feel what we didn’t have time to feel before.

But let’s be honest, summer can be a sensory nightmare.
Suncream on everything. Sand under the couch (how?!). Trampoline laughter when you just sat down with your tea. Is someone crying again? Pushed bedtimes. “Pizza for dinner again?” And baseball. Why is there always baseball?

Still, beneath the chaos, something softer might be emerging:
A loosening.
A truth surfacing.
A child saying, “I don’t know why I got so mad earlier,” or simply sitting beside you without a word.

This, too, is the hidden work.

The Guilt That Creeps In

Some days, I just want to sit alone in the garden with a book. And then the guilt arrives:

You only have a few summers left with them at this age.
Why aren’t you playing with them more?
Be present. Put the phone down.

And maybe some of that is true. But I’ve come to believe this:

You can love your children and still crave quiet.
You can want connection and still feel overstimulated.
You’re allowed to pause.

Sometimes the most regulating thing I can do, for all of us, is to model rest, boundaries, and self-trust.

Even in that, there’s healing.

In Therapy and at Home, Go Slow

You can’t rush this work.
Safety takes time.
Regulation takes time.
Connection takes time.

July reminds me of that again and again.

Slowness invites curiosity instead of reaction.
Presence instead of performance.
Witnessing instead of fixing.

If your child seems clingier, or you feel stretched thin, it doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.

It means you’re in the middle of something unfolding.

Trust What You Can’t See

So if July feels too loud, too fast, too much, trust that something meaningful is happening.

In the quiet.
In the boredom.
In the background of overfilled tote bags and messy routines.

As a therapist, I’ve learned to look for subtle shifts, not just blooms. And as a parent, I want to say this:

You are showing up.
Even when it’s messy.
Even when you step outside just to hear your own thoughts.

Let July be slow.
Let it be loud on the surface and powerful underneath.

Trust the hidden work.
It’s happening, even now.

Invitations to Slow Down This July

Sometimes we need reminders to slow down, without adding more to our to-do list.

1. Choose a big, beautiful book and take your time.
Visit the library, pick something long and lovely, and read it slowly. Jot down lines that stay with you.

2. Let the mess happen.
Let the fort be built. Let the water spill. Then invite the kids into the clean-up. Little rituals help ground us.

3. Release the dinner guilt.
Simple meals and longer screen time? You’re pacing, not failing. Nourishment takes many forms.

4. Welcome big emotions, yours too.
Summer can be a swirl of joy and overwhelm. Let the feelings rise and fall. Try not to judge them. Just notice.

5. Make time for something that’s just for you.
A quiet walk. A journal page. Five minutes with your tea. You don’t have to earn rest, just claim a little piece of it.

If summer is bringing up more than you expected, whether that’s overwhelm, parenting fatigue, or emotional shifts in your child, we’re here for you. At Empower Family Therapy, we work with children, parents, and families to create space for what’s real, even when it’s messy (especially!). Therapy doesn’t have to be a last resort; it can be a place to slow down, reflect, and find steadiness together.

Written by Kelly Owen, M.S.

Reconnect Without the Eye Rolls: Play-Based Couples Therapy

Let’s be real. A lot of people think couples therapy means sitting on a stiff couch, dodging eye contact, and waiting for the other person to cry first. But that’s not my vibe, and it doesn’t have to be yours either.

As a Black woman, a therapist, I am someone who deeply values joy and love. I believe healing and reconnection should include laughter, movement, and shared experiences, not just clinical checklists and emotional homework. We heal better when we feel safe, and we feel safe when we can be ourselves.

Play-Based Couples Therapy is all about that. It’s therapy with play and humor. But also creative ways to connect, and a little fun along the way.

Why Play Matters in the Therapy Process

Growing up, many of us, especially in Black and brown communities, weren’t taught to connect through softness. We were taught to survive, to stay guarded, to stay strong. But love doesn’t thrive in survival mode. 

Play gives us space to let those walls down. It’s not childish. It’s courageous. It helps couples reconnect without rehashing the same argument for the 12th time. It helps people feel each other again, not just fight to be heard.

I value play because I’ve seen it unlock and heal people. And when we experience each other instead of just analyzing each other, that’s when the magic and connection happens.

What Can Play Look Like

This isn’t a trust fall and “If you catch me you love me.” situation. These are grounded, experiential tools that help couples get out of their heads and into the heart of their relationship.

5 Senses Challenge — Each of you explores your connection through what you see, hear, taste, touch, and smell. It’s deeper than it sounds.
The Conflict Balloon — You both name a tension point while blowing up one balloon. Then we pop it and talk. It’s symbolic, and yes, a little dramatic—but it works.

Is This for You?

This is for you if:

1. You’re stuck in loops that never get resolved

2. You want a version of therapy that feels like you, not something performative or draining

3. You’re done with dry conversations and want to actually experience healing

4. You’re craving connection that feels alive again

5. You are a powerful couple that love each other but feel like something’s been missing

Basically…

If you’ve ever said, “We used to have so much fun together,” or “We don’t even feel like a couple anymore,” listen up. Your relationship might not be broken. You might just be bored, burnt out, or stuck in the same old patterns. Let’s stop performing connections and actually create them.

Reach out to explore play-based couples therapy and reconnect in a way that feels alive again

Written by Hayley Caddell, MA, ALMFT