Getting to Know Your Inner World: An Introduction to Internal Family Systems and Parts Work
There’s a moment in therapy I’ve come to notice, when someone says something like, “I don’t know why I’m doing this,” or “Part of me wants to change, but another part is terrified.” That moment usually signals that we’ve arrived at something meaningful.
In Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, we pause at that place. We slow down and turn inward, not to judge or fix, but to listen and engage. This model invites us to view our inner world with more compassion, less urgency, and more nuance than most of us were taught.
If you’ve never heard of IFS and parts work before, it can sound abstract or strange at first. However, most people already use this framework before they even know its name!
What Is Internal Family Systems Therapy?
IFS is an evidence-based, non-pathologizing therapy model that sees the mind as made up of multiple “parts,” each with its own story, emotion, motivation and strategy. Perhaps you notice thoughts coming from your inner critic, inner child, people-pleaser, or perfectionist. These are examples of the parts that show up for us!
Like a family, these parts interact and form a system. And like any system under stress, parts can end up in conflict. The IFS model teaches us that every part, even the ones that seem sabotaging or chaotic, is trying to help in some way. Each one is shaped by experience, by protection, and by pain.
At the core of this system is something deeper: the Self, a calm, clear, compassionate presence that exists in everyone. In IFS, healing happens not by silencing or fighting your parts, but by helping them trust the leadership of the Self.
You’ve Probably Already Noticed Your Parts
Most people are familiar with inner conflict:
“There’s a part of me that wants to set a boundary, and another part that’s terrified to upset anyone.”
“One part is exhausted, but another says I should be doing more.”
“I feel like I keep sabotaging myself, and I don’t know why.”
“It feels like the old me comes out every time I’m around family.”
Rather than treating these experiences as irrational or broken, IFS invites us to approach them as purposeful adaptations. What if that inner critic is trying to protect you from judgment? What if that numbing behavior once helped you survive something painfully overwhelming?
Parts work isn’t about getting rid of your parts; it’s about getting to know them!
The Three Main Types of Parts in IFS
While every part is unique, they generally fall into one of three roles:
1. Exiles
These parts hold pain, shame, fear, or trauma. They often represent younger experiences that were too overwhelming to process at the time. Many people spend years unknowingly pushing their exiles away not because they don’t care, but because it’s too hard to face the feelings they carry.
2. Managers
Managers try to keep the system functioning. They are proactive protectors and often control how we show up in the world. This is where perfectionism, people-pleasing, and emotional suppression show up. Managers want stability and predictability. They’ll do whatever it takes to prevent exiles from being triggered and avoid sending the system into overwhelm.
3. Firefighters
When exiles do break through, firefighters jump in fast. They are reactive protectors. They jump into action, sometimes impulsively, to soothe or distract from the emotional overwhelm. This might show up as shutting down, dissociation, bingeing, self-harm, yelling, and avoiding. Their intention is to protect, even if their strategy isn’t always helpful or sustainable.
One of the core assumptions of IFS is that all parts are welcome, even the ones that make you uncomfortable. This includes the ones maybe you wish would go away.
What Happens in an IFS-Informed Therapy Session?
IFS sessions often start with mindfulness and grounding. We want to be able to signal to our body and parts that we are safe. Then, we start with gentle curiosity and a bit of exploration. I might ask, “Can we check in with the part of you that’s feeling overwhelmed?”, “How do you feel toward that anxious part right now?”, or "What sensations do you feel in your body when this part shows up?”
Because we’re not trying to fix our parts, we don’t jump into problem-solving. We take our time and ask questions like:
What does this part want you to know?
When did it first show up?
What is it afraid may happen if it doesn’t step in?
Over time, your relationship with these parts begins to shift. You will be able to understand them better and start to feel compassion for them. This can open a new sense of acceptance for your parts, lessen feelings of guilt and shame, and allow you to better connect with your core self.
You don’t need to have a trauma history to benefit from parts work. You just need to be willing to slow down and listen inwardly in a new way.
Benefits of IFS and Parts Work
Many people come to therapy feeling torn between what they want and how they act, between how they feel and how they believe they should feel.
Parts work offers an integrative path forward. Clients who engage in IFS therapy often report:
Less internal conflict and self-judgment
Greater emotional regulation and clarity
Healing from past wounds without needing to relive every detail
A stronger self-esteem and sense of wholeness
Improved relationships through relating from the Self rather than reactivity
Whether you’re navigating trauma, anxiety, relational patterns, intellectualization, or burnout, parts work offers a language for feelings or experiences that just seem too complex to put into words.
What Draws Me to IFS as a Therapist
What resonates with me the most about IFS is its openness and acceptance. There’s no hierarchy of acceptable emotions. Instead, it centers understanding the internal strategies that you developed to survive, even if they now leave you feeling stuck.
As a therapist, I often work with clients who’ve been told they’re the problem, too sensitive, too much, or not enough. Hearing this often enough contributes to developing a very complicated and strained relationship with yourself. Parts work helps shift the narrative from “What’s wrong with me?” to “What’s happening inside of me? Where did I learn to think this way?”
It creates space to meet yourself with more honesty, nuance, and compassion.
Final Thoughts: Everyone Has Parts
We all have parts. Some have learned to speak up. Others have learned to disappear. Some may still feel eight years old. Others that have been performing adulthood like a role for years.
Your parts and how they respond make sense in their specific context. It’s just how we adapt to get our needs met within the environment we find ourselves in. With the right support, you can start to unburden your system and ease overwhelm one part at a time.
If you’re feeling stuck in patterns you don’t quite understand, or if you’ve been longing for a deeper connection with yourself, IFS therapy may be worth exploring. It’s not about becoming someone new. It’s about connecting to the Self that’s been there all along. Reach out today and mention my name to start exploring your inner world!
Written by Madison Gunter, ALMFT.