Adding Color to Back-to-School Blues: How to Support Your Child’s Emotional Needs Through Transitions
With any new “stage” of life, anticipatory feelings emerge towards a newness ahead that is not yet experienced. For kids, this newness arises every fall as they prepare for a new classroom, new teacher, new classmates, and new learning objectives. For parents who want to feel more confident in harboring a safe space for their children in preparation for a new school year– and outside of simply academic-based preparations, these emotionally focused tips and tricks are for you.
Understand
The first crucial step for a parent to take is developing an understanding of what your child experiences through a psychological lens. A child’s brain is very different from an adult’s brain in terms of learned experiences with newness and flexibility towards change. Any new scenario feels “bigger” as if it centers around your child’s whole world.
Humans are creatures of habit, so any change in habits or routine can feel difficult for little minds constantly growing and adjusting. While adults also face anxiety and dysregulation around transitions, they have had more time to practice bouncing back and utilizing appropriate coping strategies. Young children are at a stage where they still need modeling and education in order to gain these same coping skills. These lessons lead to improved emotional resiliency over time.
Here are some signs that your child may be experiencing anticipatory anxiety as they approach a new transition around the corner.
Anticipation towards the upcoming school year may present outwardly over the last month or few weeks of summer, as the fall season draws closer. Many kids look forward to school, but mixed feelings or negative reactions are still very common. As you approach the fall, you may be met with changes in your child’s behavior. Your child may be more resistant, distractible, or they may attempt to negotiate more within conversations. Overwhelming emotions in children also present through full-blown meltdowns that may stem from heightened irritability, anxious feelings bottled up, or even a feeling of grief towards the summer ending. Anger, anxiety, and sadness may feel like a big unspoken ball all tangled up inside- despite the possibility of also feeling excited, happy, and hopeful all at once.
As a note, children who are diagnosed or display signs of neurodivergence could also struggle with these seasonal changes on a greater scale. Common diagnoses that often include criteria for more resistance towards change include anxiety disorders, autism spectrum disorder, ADHD, and sensory processing disorders.
Apply:
Once you have applied this understanding towards your child’s experience, you will feel better prepared to address these behaviors and emotions. Here are some evidence-based therapeutic tools for parents to try at home (and all around!), listed into 3 categories.
1. Routine
Prepare your child for any changes in routine by implementing “school year routine” expectations early on. For example, go by a set schedule that includes consistent meal times, getting ready for the day, and bedtime too.
Using a visual such as a whiteboard or paper calendar template helps children to engrain these routine habits more quickly and consistently. Try a school-based schedule that works around hypothetical school hours a week or two before the summer ends.
Model excitement within routine building! Whether it be through the mundane daily tasks of life or the once-a-year back to school shopping opportunities. The more you appear “bought in” through your enthusiastic reactions, the more your child will buy into the routines and feel more comfortable about these changes.
Back to school prep is absolutely a part of the school routines and rituals even though these are errands that usually happen once a year. Through it all, make sure to plan ahead and communicate with your child about expected routine changes and upcoming shopping days.
2. Communication
You may find it helpful to use a conversational template to help your child master emotional awareness and emotional expression skills. One tool you may want to mindfully integrate by modeling to your child is the use of “I feel” statements. This can look like: “I feel [emotion] because of [trigger]. I can [do this right now to help myself feel better].”
When you notice your child growing dysregulated, even over what seems to be a small trigger, you may find it helpful to first validate what you’re noticing. For example, “I see that you are crying, it looks like you feel sad right now and that’s okay. Can you tell me with your words why you feel this way? What can I do to help?”
A common therapy tool that helps children identify their feelings is using a feelings wheel to point to and identify which emotions they currently relate with. Below is one example of the many templates out there that parents can use
For best support through transitions and new routines, practice using clear language in order of events. I.e., “First, Then” statements. Consider implementing the mantra “what we need to do first, what we want to do after.”
3. Coping Skills
Teaching your child creative, child friendly ways to practice mindfulness and ground themselves helps them get in tune with any underlying emotions and builds self-soothing skills. It is also helpful in the moment for any back to school jitters! Here are a few common therapy-based coping skills you can try practicing with your child:
Finger breathing: use your finger to smell the flowers, and then blow out the candle. Count to 10 with each inhale/exhale. Remind your child to breathe moving their belly up and down instead of their chest or shoulders.
5 senses countdown: a go-to that can also be done anywhere! Have your child name 5 things they can see, 4 things they can feel, 3 things they can hear, 2 things they can smell, and 1 thing they can taste– perhaps ending with a mini mindful snack for this last part.
Grounding Object: Or, a “pocket grounder” for school. Identify an object such as a fidget, stone, string of beads, etc, that your child can take anywhere with them and tug or squeeze when they are feeling overwhelmed or need reminders of your support. They may imagine that any time they touch this object, it sends a signal to parents and vise versa that they are always here for you even if not in the same place at the same time. Bonus tip: pair this with “The Invisible String” book, which is a great book for addressing separation anxiety. Explain that their grounding object can be their “tug” on the invisible string.
Art therapy in itself is considered a coping skill, and anyone can do it! One example of a fun art therapy activity that teaches kids emotional resilience and organizational skills is letting them design their own “road map” of the year ahead. You may include “road blocks,” bridges, fun support systems like family and friends waving on the sidelines, and signs that display different events or milestones over the school year that kids look forward to. Try it at home with your child before the start of school; it can be as simple as a big piece of paper and markers!
Adjusting to transitions may always look a bit bumpy through any stage of life, as anxious adjustment to unexpected changes is a very ‘human’ thing. With the work you put into addressing more “expected” changes such as approaching school years, the more your child will grow in their ability to bounce back and express themselves comfortably even among more stressful times. At the end of the day, parents are their biggest motivators, role models, and cheerleaders. Don’t forget to tell your child: “You’ve got this!” Because, they really do. And so do you!
Written by Avery Foster, LSW
Sources:
https://childmind.org/article/why-do-kids-have-trouble-with-transitions/
https://www.naeyc.org/resources/pubs/yc/sep2018/reducing-challenging-behaviors-during-transitions