Therapy Insights on Parenting, Couples, and Mental Health
Similar Self-Care Starting Points
Last week we talked about a New & More Successful Way to Self-Care, if you missed it check out our blog from last week!
This week on our Instagram we discussed ways to make your self-care routine work harder for you!
Here’s a Self-Care Hack!!
Identify a few common emotions you experience that lead you to needing to self-care- maybe it’s overwhelmed, lonely, unappreciated, or anxious. Often times, we have a few heavy hitters that really seem to get us down- if we can pinpoint these then we can make a self-care plan ahead of time to address them. More often than not, we don’t need to reinvent the self-care wheel every time… Instead, we can have me ideas ready-to-go to give ourselves a helpful boost.
A More Successful Way to Self-Care
Feeling overwhelmed by the constant pressure to "do it all"? Let’s simplify the self-care process with a flow chart that helps you find what truly nurtures you in a mindful, thoughtful way. This guide breaks down our proven self-care flow chart, designed to help you discover what works best for you.
Step 1: Pause and Take a Look Inside – Embrace Mindful Self-Reflection
The first thing we need to do is pause. We’re always busy, running from one task to the next, but to truly care for ourselves, we need to slow down and do an internal check. Taking a moment to breathe, sit with yourself, and evaluate what’s really going on is essential. It’s in this pause that you can identify your true feelings and determine what might need to shift in your life.
Step 2: Determine the Feeling – Identify Emotions for Effective Self-Care
Once you’ve paused, the next step is to pinpoint your emotions. Understanding what’s truly affecting you is crucial. Are you feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, frustrated, anxious, or disconnected? By acknowledging these emotions, you lay the groundwork for meaningful self-care that addresses your emotional needs.
Step 3: Determine the Need – Align Self-Care with Your True Requirements
After identifying your feelings, the following step is to determine what you need in response. For instance, if you’re feeling overwhelmed, ask yourself: Do you need rest, clearer boundaries, better organization, or extra support? Recognizing your needs ensures that the next step—finding the right solution—will nurture you in the most effective way.
Step 4: Find the Fit (or the Fix) – Customize Your Self-Care Solutions
The final step is finding the fit: choosing what action will best meet your identified need. This is where self-care can challenge traditional ideas. While many think self-care is simply a bubble bath or meditation, the perfect fit might be a practical solution that empowers you to regain control. Whether it’s delegating tasks or reorganizing your schedule, tailoring your self-care to your current needs is essential.
Real-Life Self-Care Strategies – Balancing Work, Housework, and Personal Needs
Let’s explore real-life examples to see how this flow works in practice:
Example 1: Work First – Delegating Tasks to Boost Productivity
Imagine feeling overwhelmed because work demands your attention while distractions keep piling up. Here, your need might be to focus on work and feel productive. The solution could be delegating non-essential tasks, such as hiring a cleaner to handle household chores, or involving family members in sharing responsibilities. This approach creates the space you need to excel professionally.
Example 2: Housework First – Prioritizing Home Organization for Peace of Mind
Alternatively, you might feel that the clutter at home is preventing you from concentrating. In this case, your need is to restore order and achieve a sense of accomplishment by tackling housework. Whether you schedule dedicated time for cleaning or negotiate a work deadline extension, addressing the home front first can provide the mental clarity needed to move forward.
Finding the Perfect Fit – Tailoring Self-Care for Lasting Balance and Fulfillment
The key to true self-care is matching your true need with the right action. Rather than adhering to a rigid self-care routine, tune into what your soul truly requires at that moment. When your chosen action aligns with both your emotions and needs, you achieve a sense of fulfillment and balance.
I hope this flow chart helps you understand self-care from a fresh perspective. Sometimes the best self-care comes from thinking outside the box and choosing what truly meets your needs. As always, we welcome your thoughts and questions—let’s continue to explore ways to nurture ourselves in ways that genuinely fit our lives.
What if my partner doesn't give me anymore 'Bids'?
In this video Tina Shrader shares some tips if you’re having trouble noticing bids from your partner- don’t fret! first answer is look more closely, they may just be harder to find.
The bad news is that if you’re having that much trouble recognizing your partner’s bids it may be they’re not sending many anymore.
Many times couples get into a difficult pattern of withdrawing bids- this comes from bids going unnoticed and from feeling like their partner turns away more than they turn towards.
The good news is that the pattern that you’re in is not set in stone, you are capable of making change!
Try resetting the pattern by changing it up-
(1) be on high alert for anything small that may be a bid from your partner.
(2) Be diligent about enthusiastically turning towards when you do recognize a bid.
(3) Drop in some clear bids to your partner and when they turn towards share with them how it was for you,
Try not to comment on the times they turn away- praise the good and get more good. Remember your partner has felt rejected and disregarded- it may take a little while for them to feel confident and safe that their bids will be acknowledged again.
(4) And the easiest of all- share this post with them!
Leave the explaining to me, and get their mind working on re-evaluating your pattern of giving and receiving bids!
If you want a refresher of bids by the originator, the Gottmans, check out this video summary https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ib7Ain2aVR0
https://www.instagram.com/p/CJUOxj_j3N9/
How to Find the 'Perfect Fit' in a Therapist
Finding “The One”: Therapist Edition:
Starting any new relationship is tough, especially when you’re not sure on the rules. Many people feel intimidated in their relationship with their therapist because they ‘aren’t sure how this is supposed to go,’ and their therapist is in the position of power in the relationship.
It may feel strange trying to communicate that you’re exploring a few therapists to find the right fit, but as a therapist I love to hear potential new clients are ‘shopping around!’ To me this means they are serious about committing to therapy and know the importance of a perfect match.
Here are some ideas of ways to communicate this to potential therapists if you’re not as confident in the ‘let’s just see how this goes,’ vibe.
Using 'I Statements' & Taking it to the Next Level
Communications 101: I statements
Are you killing it with the ‘I’ statements this week?! For those excelling in a Communication 101 I’ve got some extra credit for you so that you can take it that next step further!! Or- If you feel ‘I’ statements come off forced and cheesy these extra tips will help you make this more of a perspective than a robotic script-
Tips to incorporate ‘I’ statements more fluidly:
1. Practice
2. Use your own point of view & Avoid speaking for your partner. Reach out with any comments or questions!
Why is Therapy so Expensive?
Why Therapy Is So Expensive—And Why It’s Worth It
I get asked this question a lot: Why is therapy so expensive? It’s a fair concern, especially for those searching for a therapist who fits their needs while balancing financial constraints. If you’ve ever found yourself torn between choosing an in-network therapist who may not be the best fit versus paying out-of-pocket for a therapist who truly understands your situation, you’re not alone. I’ve been there myself—both as a therapist and as someone seeking therapy.
I want to break down why therapy comes with a high price tag and why, in many cases, it’s a worthwhile investment. Hopefully, this will help if you’re in the middle of making that decision for yourself.
The Value of Investing in the Right Therapist
I love a good deal—I really do. But one thing I’ve learned over the years? I will not bargain shop for therapy.
Why? Because when you invest in a therapist who is the right fit for you, you get more bang for your buck. Therapy isn’t just about talking—it’s about achieving specific goals. Maybe you want to lower your anxiety, improve your relationships, or communicate better with your partner. A great therapist, one who specializes in exactly what you’re struggling with, can get you there faster and more effectively.
Therapists with a specific niche—whether it’s couples struggling with communication, individuals battling anxiety, or parents navigating post-baby intimacy—have extensive experience working with clients just like you. That means they won’t waste time figuring out the basics. They already know what works, and they can tailor interventions specifically to your needs.
On the other hand, a generalist therapist who sees everyone—couples, kids, families, teens—may not have the deep expertise needed to address your concerns as efficiently. A specialist may charge more, but they can often get you to your goals in fewer sessions, ultimately saving you time and money.
The Business Side of Therapy
Many therapists operate as small business owners, either in solo private practice or within a group practice. Just like any business, they have operational costs:
Office space and utilities
Electronic Health Record (EHR) systems (for privacy, scheduling, and billing)
Professional liability insurance
Marketing and website maintenance
Administrative support (or managing all paperwork and billing themselves)
A therapist who prioritizes their business invests in secure, user-friendly systems that make scheduling, billing, and paperwork seamless for you. These investments may increase their costs, but they significantly enhance your experience as a client.
Why Some Therapists Charge More Than Others
Let’s break it down with an example.
Say I charge $150 per session and see 10 clients per week. That’s $1,500 weekly before business expenses.
Now, imagine the therapist next door charges $50 per session. To make the same amount, they need to see 30 clients per week.
Here’s where it matters to you:
With fewer clients, I have more time to respond to emails, texts, and rescheduling requests.
I can remember the details of your life—your partner’s name, your job struggles, your wins and losses—because I’m not overwhelmed by a massive caseload.
I can invest in continued education that directly benefits my niche and clients, rather than opting for free, generic trainings just to check a box.
I have the energy and focus to give you my best in every session.
A therapist with a lower fee may have to overbook themselves just to stay afloat, leading to burnout, administrative delays, and less available time for clients.
The Personal Cost of Being a Therapist
You want a therapist who practices what they preach—someone who has a healthy work-life balance and prioritizes self-care. Why? Because when a therapist is overworked, it directly affects their ability to be present with clients.
I once worked with a therapist who saw 45 clients a week. (Yes, you read that right.) Every session somehow turned into their life updates. It was frustrating as a client—I wasn’t paying for their vent session! A therapist who is overbooked and emotionally drained simply cannot provide the quality of care that clients deserve.
Personally, I ensure that I have space in my schedule for my own self-care, therapy, and family time. This allows me to show up fully for my clients, without personal distractions bleeding into sessions.
The Bottom Line: Finding the Right Fit
So, should you pay out-of-pocket or stick with insurance? Here’s the key takeaway:
The connection between you and your therapist is the single biggest factor in whether therapy is successful. Research consistently shows that a strong therapist-client relationship is more predictive of positive outcomes than any specific technique or intervention.
A therapist who specializes in your specific concern can help you reach your goals faster. Paying more upfront may ultimately save you time, money, and frustration.
Quality therapy is an investment in yourself. Mental health impacts every area of your life—relationships, work, parenting, and overall well-being. Finding the right therapist is a step toward long-term growth and healing.
I’ll say it again: I no longer bargain shop for therapists. And if you’re in the process of choosing one, I encourage you to think beyond just cost—because the right therapist is truly priceless.
3 Tips for Coping with a COVID Thanksgiving
This week is Thanksgiving, and if you are an emotional blender of excitement, gratitude, disappointment, and defeat you’re not alone. You’ve been with your family for a REALLY long time, and the idea of spending another meal with just them feels underwhelming AF.
Remember that social media experiment that was recently trending, with the parents telling their toddlers they can have an extra m&m if they “wait until mommy comes back?” This Thanksgiving is the adult version of that. Are you patient enough to skip this year to ensure you can spend future thanksgivings together?
If your social media feed is anything like mine- it’s been full of pictures and videos of large groups of people carrying on with life as if there is no such thing as COVID where they live.
It’s been difficult to stomach those posts over the past 9 months, especially so during our more recent lockdown.
Even though I know it’s coming- the posts that will flood my feed this weekend, of everyone surrounded by their loved ones with mask-free smiles, are going to hurt. I can already feel the anger and resentment bubbling up in me. The jealousy that some folks are able to go on like normal, while my family is separated and sacrificing so much joy due to this virus, is unbearable.
The ‘COVID mourning,’ continues as the holidays approach, and many of my clients are asking how to deal with the overwhelming disappointment while still enjoying the season. Here’s the game plan we are coming up with in sessions to prepare:
3 tips for coping with a covid thanksgiving
Find the Gray Area & Silver Linings
Instead of all or nothing, black & white thinking, try to find the grey- or if you’re looking for bonus points, try even looking for the silver lining. There is plenty to be disappointed about this year- that’s easy. Feeding into that disappointment too much will lead us to black and white thinking. “Since I can’t see my family, and enjoy our usual traditions this thanksgiving, then it’s not even worth celebrating at all!” Instead, try looking for the gray areas, or the silver linings. “Since this year is already going to be different- why don’t we try something new?!” Maybe you take a break from turkey this year and try roast beef or sushi. Maybe you decide to cater the meal and support local restaurants. Maybe you decide to host a Zoom cocktail hour or dessert party with your usual guests. Whatever it is- making the choice from a place of optimism rather than defeat will keep you in the holiday spirit.
Make a Social Media Plan for the Weekend
The free time of the holidays often means we find ourselves scrolling more than usual. Seeing others happy can often increase the joy we feel during the holidays, but it can also leave us with a Thanksgiving-sized portion of FOMO. Prepare yourself ahead of time for the posts of others enjoying the holiday you wish you could have. Make a plan ahead of time for what your boundaries will be and how you’ll know when you’re getting close to those. Invite your family to do the same.
Don’t be Fooled
Finally, don’t let the mask-free smiles of the people on your feed trick you into thinking that you’re making the wrong choice. We ARE still in a public health crisis. You know what is right for your family and loved ones. Your efforts ARE making a difference by sticking with your family pod and laying low this year. Your table being emptier this year means that your loved ones are safer. You are not alone in this.
If you’re finding you’re having a harder time coping with COVID precautions, and their impact on your overall happiness we are here to help.
Reach out, we would love to connect.
3 'No Time' Mindfulness Challenges
If you’ve been meaning to start a mindfulness practice but, you have no time to do so- we’ve got you covered. Tina Shrader offers 3 ‘No Time’ mindfulness challenges to help as we head into the holiday season.
If you’ve had ‘Starting a Mindfulness Practice’ sitting on your to-do list since January 2020, you’re not alone.
As we approach the Thanksgiving and holiday season, plus another shelter in place order here in Illinois, we could all use a bit more mindfulness. But, who has the time to add anything more to their chaotic schedule?
Tina Shrader offers 3 challenges to kickstart your mindfulness practice that take zero extra time to fit into your schedule.
3 ‘No Time’ Mindfulness Challenges
Limit Multitasking
Identify an area that you are often finding yourself multitasking, and commit to staying present during that time or task
Maybe you are using your lunch time during the work week to catch up on emails or the news. Try to eliminate that distraction and practice mindfulness of really enjoying your meal.
Relishing Silence
If you are lucky to find a few minutes of silence in your house full of your family…. ALL THE TIME… consider yourself lucky! Resist the urge to fill that silence with productivity, and instead offer yourself the rest (and hopefully peace) that comes with a few minutes of silence. Your mental laundry list, the tv, the news, music, and the new podcast that came out today can wait. Take a deep breath and give your ears and mind a break.
Whole Body Listening
Catch yourself falling into the bad habit of half-ass-listening. You may notice yourself replying with “mmhmm,” “yup.” or even exclamation marks that don’t need to be there- all as a way of trying to seem more interested or attentive. Commit to practicing full body listening at one part of your day, possibly dinner or evening time when everyone is around.
A quick tip to help you turn on your listening ears- try to envision whoever you are listening to within all the many systems they are a part of. Keeping in mind the many forces that may be impacting their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors will help you listen with more empathy.
If you’d like more tips on how to encourage mindfulness in your family, with little to no extra time required- we’ve got you covered!
5 Tips To Get A Reluctant Partner to Therapy
If you are interested in exploring the possibility of couples therapy but aren't sure if your partner will be on board this video is for you! Tina Shrader, LMFT breaks down 5 Tips to help you get your reluctant partner to therapy- she walks you through the process from start to finish.
I often hear from potential new clients:
“I’m very invested in the idea of couples therapy buuuuuut- I’m not sure that my partner will be on board.”
I get it! This is unchartered territory! Most likely you’ve never had to introduce this idea to your partner before. You may be worried they will become defensive, won’t hear you out, or that it’ll spiral into a fight.
We’ve advised lots of clients on how best to introduce the topic of couples or family therapy, and how to go about the process in a way that improves your chances for a successful reaction.
Here are five tips to help you encourage participation in therapy from a reluctant partner- these tips will help you with the process of introducing the idea of therapy, the conversation of why you want to start therapy, and the process of picking a therapist.
PS: These tips were equally as well for encouraging reluctant teens to start individual or family therapy, too!
five tips to get a reluctant partner to therapy:
Share Your Concerns & Name the Worst Case Scenario Up Front
Be specific about your concerns and goals, this isn’t the time to share a comprehensive list of your complaints. Prepare for this conversation ahead of time- don’t Wing It.
Name the worst case scenario for them to ease their mind.
“This does not mean I want a divorce.”
Ask Their Thoughts on the Problem
Ask if they agree or if they’ve noticed the things you’re bringing up
Give them a chance to make adjustments before scheduling
“Where do you think we could improve our relationship? Our communication?”
Be Prepared for Complaints of Their Own
Prepare to hear all the things you’re doing wrong as a reply
This is a normal defensive response, try not to fall into the trap of defensiveness
“I acknowledge I participate in this problem, too. I know there are things I also need to work on to make this better and I’m willing to do so”
invite Them to Be Part of the Process of Picking the Therapist
The key is getting their ‘buy in’
Contact therapists to confirm they have your availability & are taking new clients, offer your partner a list of 3 that may be a good fit and encourage them to reach out and narrow it down or decide
“These 3 therapists seem like someone we would like, and that would understand what we’re going through. Why don’t you take a look and narrow it down or make a decision on which we should schedule with.”
Agree to One or Two ‘Get to Know You,’ Sessions
Be clear from the beginning with your partner and the therapist that you’re ‘shopping around’ and don’t feel pressured to schedule a second session or make a decision after the first session
Schedule time together after the first session to process it further and make a slow and deliberate decision
“We are exploring the idea of therapy still and want to have time to process and discuss this decision before scheduling again- can we hold off on making another appointment now, and reach out to you after we have a chance to talk it through?”
Interested in couples therapy and feeling motivated to finally bring it up to your partner? We are here to help! reach out with any questions, or to get info on our current availability for new clients.
4 ways to Commit to Self-Care this New Year
It’s officially the New Year! The start of a new year marks for many the start of goals and intentions set to better themselves and their relationships. But, more often than not, the gusto of those fresh goals wear off before you can re-train your brain to date things ‘20’ instead of ‘19’. The new year’s disappointment is such a common phenomenon that many people’s every year resolution is to continue boycotting the ‘shame game,’ that is New Year’s Resolutions. But, if you’re a hopeless romantic for getting out of that comfort zone and challenging yourself to be better, we’ve got you covered. Especially, if your goal relates to FINALLY committing to prioritizing yourself, and your well-being, a bit more in 2020.
If you’re looking to have a more successful self-care routine in 2020 here are 4 ways to Commit to Self-Care this New Year
4 ways to Commit to Self-Care this New Year
1. Silence the stigma (... and then repeat, and repeat, and keep repeating)
Repeat after me: “taking time for myself is not selfish. I am worthy of of the same space I make for others in my life.” If I could invent one thing it would be a pill form of this mantra, that made anyone who took it instantly own this truth. Not only would I be very rich and famous, but mom shame (and dad shame, too) would most certainly be a thing of the past! But, until then, we must continue to contradict the sneaky, strong stigma that tells us that our time is best spent serving others and giving of ourselves. Until you are able to better recognize how stigma immobilizes you from giving yourself the care you deserve, you will struggle to fully partake and believe in the power of self-care. Please know that battling stigma is a life-long, ongoing journey, one that is much more in depth and complicated than a short list on a blog can truly honor. But, although eradicating stigma may never be a box you can check off your to-do list, it can be an intention you return to and allow yourself to explore with patience and grace. Many people find it helpful to do this work within trusted relationships with a friend, mentor, or therapist.
2. Ditch the negative self talk... once, and for all
Ahhh… the familiar sound of our inner critic’s voice shit talking our every move. A voice that many of us have carefully and quietly cultivated since our preteen years. Breaking the pattern of negative self-talk can seem like an impossible internal game of whack-a-mole. But, once you start to challenge that negative voice, it becomes a wildly empowering way of caring for yourself in tiny moments of the day. No spa appointment or three day weekend required! Everyday is a perfect opportunity to re-commit to being your own biggest fan- once and for all- in your thoughts, speech, and actions. Once you stop entertaining and listening to that inner critic, the voice WILL quiet down. Some people like to pick out a name or an accent for their lying inner critic, so that they’re able to differentiate the voice better. So brush up on your ‘disses’ and ‘burns’ and get ready to start talking shit right back to that inner voice!
3. Tune In
Somehow self-care got a bad reputation as an excuse for people (women especially) to splurge under the guise of self-restoration or renewal. My favorite example of this is Aziz Ansari’s character in the t.v show Parks & Recreation, where occasional days would be a free for all pleasure binge, excused by the phrase, “Treat Yo’self!” Although an occasional ‘treat yo’self,’ can be rejuvenating, more often than not it leaves you with feelings of guilt and shame (not to mention broke!). But, many people struggle with finding exactly what will do the trick and make them feel better with their limited time and budget- is it a massage, a mental health day, or those new pair of shoes on your wishlist? The best way to avoid the blues of underwhelming self-care is to check in with yourself, by asking, “what it is that I need in this moment?” or “What is it that would smell, feel, taste, look, sound really good right now?” Because, sometimes it’s splurging to pay someone to do a deep clean of your house, and the ease that comes with walking in the door to a clean house. But, other times you’re looking to achieve that sense of accomplishment- and so you take a mental health day from work and get after it yourself. So keep your self-care list fresh and up-to-date, think about what has felt good in the past, and be open to trying things not knowing if it’ll be the right fit or not. The secret is taking the time to look in and see what part of you needs to be rested and refreshed the most, and target that area specifically.
4. Schedule & Share
In my work with couples I have learned that in most busy homes nothing happens unless it’s scheduled, and that if it’s not on the family calendar it’s irrelevant. Sound familiar? The reality is that life is too full for spur of the moment and impromptu anything, and those precious breaks are most often filled with social media scrolling and Netflix binging. Self-care can and should be treated just like any other appointment you schedule yourself- put it on the calendar and honor it like you would a teeth cleaning, a staff meeting, or a parent teacher conference. Capitalize on your strength of accountability to your planner and make it work to your advantage, by regularly scheduling time to invest in yourself. Take it a step further by sharing it with your partner or a close friend, or putting it on the family calendar so that others can help keep you accountable if you try to flake on yourself.
For many of you these tips will be enough to propel you towards 2020 being, ‘The Year of You!" Others may benefit from more one-on-one support in their goals.
If you’re curious how therapy can help you take your self-care goals to the next level, contact us .
Couples Therapy in 10 Sessions or Less
10/10 Recommend 10 Sessions
At Empower Family Therapy we aim to keep couples therapy to ten sessions or less. We have found that in just about 2 months we can help couples reach their goals and learn tools to manage conflict in the future.
100% of Empower Family Therapy’s couples who participate in identifying goals, report reaching them in 6-10 sessions.
the 4 Reasons why we recommend 10 couples therapy sessions:
1. Therapy is not forever
Most people that are new to therapy aren’t sure what to expect when it comes to the timeline. Am I committing to Thursdays at 4pm for the rest of my life? For a year? Or 3 months? This seems to be a major factor in why people put off therapy until things get, “really bad.” Commiting to a 10 session goal keeps all parties clear about what the time expectation will be from the start.
2. The Doubtful Partner
Let me tell you- the reluctant partner, you know the one who’s kinda sorta being dragged to therapy REALLLLLLY like this model. Even the most skeptical partner is willing to try therapy for 10 sessions or less. Getting both partners to fully commit to therapy is key in seeing success, and agreeing to an end goal seems to work wonders in helping the unsure one turn the corner.
3. It’s Bad for Business
It’s not lost on us that trying to limit sessions to 10 or less is not the best business model. Most therapists aren’t eager to discharge clients, as more sessions = more income. But, Empower Family Therapy’s goal is to help our clients make desired change and get back to living their lives! We’ll take a bad business model in exchange for happy healthy couples anyday!
4. Staying Focused on Change
There are lots of different styles of therapy, that tend towards different expectations of a timeline. Empower Family Therapy uses solution-focused approaches to help clients transition from focusing on problem areas to problem solving. Plus, our clients leave therapy with tools they feel confident in using to address situations that may arise in the future. Maintaining a limited number of sessions keeps couples focused and empowered to make changes and reach goals, and then get back to using that hour a week to spend on living their life.
Session Eleven
You didn’t think we kicked couples out after session 10 did you?! No way! Empower Family Therapy does have couples that stay longer than 10 sessions. These couples prefer to work at a slower pace, practice their skills longer, or are working on more long-term goals. Also, 10 sessions is not best for some presenting problems, the timeline will discussed in the first few sessions to set realistic expectations for all involved.
But, the large majority of couples notice a serious confidence boost by session 10, after reaching their goals. They realize they are capable of making change and choose to go one of two ways:
Some couples choose to discharge from therapy and use the skills they’ve learned to manage possible conflicts going forward. These couples now know what to expect from therapy, and feel comfortable in reaching out to their therapist for check in’s or ‘tune up’s’ as needed. These ‘tune ups’ may only be a few sessions. We keep a few slots in our schedule open for returning clients, to be sure they can be seen within a few weeks.
Some couples decide they’d like to continue in therapy and identify new goals to work towards, either individually or as a couple. After a successful experience in couples therapy, one of the members of the couple may report they’d like to continue therapy individually to work on issues related to stress management, emotional regulation, or coping skills.
Have you been considering couples therapy but have been unsure what you’re getting yourself in for? If you’re wanting to hear more, reach out & Contact us.
Do you feel like you and your partner have some minor issues to work out? We gladly work with couples who have a timeline shorter than 10 sessions, too!
Book Report: "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" by Dr. Harvey Karp
Dr. Karp has found success in managing his toddler patients, and offers his tips and tricks in the national best selling book The Happiest Toddler on the Block. He promises to “eliminate tantrums, raise a patient, respectful, and cooperative one- to four-year-old,” - that’s a heavy promise, if I’ve ever heard one! Plenty of parents I work with have mentioned this book, and I needed to see what they hype was about.
Dr. Karp has found success in managing his toddler patients, and offers his tips and tricks in the national best selling book The Happiest Toddler on the Block.
He promises to “eliminate tantrums, raise a patient, respectful, and cooperative one- to four-year-old,” - that’s a heavy promise, if I’ve ever heard one!
Plenty of parents I work with have mentioned this book, and I needed to see what they hype was about.
Who this Book is Best For
Those who work with toddlers, or are interested in being less frustrated with the quirks of toddler tantrums and moods. Not just a good read for parents- but, teachers, nannys, and doctors, too. Great for parents who are preparing for the toddler years, or those who are already there and struggling. This book has lots of tips and tricks, great for those ready to try something new!
My Biggest Take-Away's:
1. Mini Cave Children
Adjusting the way we view and understand toddler behavior as being more like a mini caveman than a mini adult. Parents are to be more of an ‘ambassador’ to their child, helping them understand how things work in our civilized culture - with respect.
2. Fast Food Rule
When you go to a fast food drive through the first thing they do is repeat back to you what you ordered, then they tell you how much it’ll cost. Dr. Karp believes that communicating in any high tense situation, with toddlers or adults, should be the same.
The key to success is that the most upset person talks first, and the other person spends the first minute JUST listening and mirroring back what they hear the upset person say. Most importantly the listener will repeat and validate the upset person’s perspective and feelings. Only after the upset person feels heard will they be open to hearing the other’s message.
I love this! This is one of the first skills taught and practiced in ‘Therapy School’; the idea of active listening. Even if there’s no good response to a situation, providing an opportunity for the other person to truly feel heard is often the most therapeutic thing we can offer- even to toddlers.
3. Toddlerese
This is Dr. Karp’s name for the very short and clear sort of communication that toddler’s understand best. The 3 Steps to Toddler-ese are use short phrases, repetition, and mirror your child’s feelings. Although this sounds great on paper, I’m not sure how using this in public will turn out as it sounds a lot like emotional baby talk.
I like the offering of a tool to mirror your toddler’s emotional affect, in a way they can feel understood. It supports the understanding that the toddler’s brain is still developing and struggles to handle too many words or phrases, especially in a moment of emotional chaos.
The bottom line is that before your child feels understood they will not be compliant with your requests of them - so, understanding first, and requests follow.
Final Thoughts
Overall, I found this book worth the read. I listened to it on an audio book and it was pretty easy and painless to get through. I found a bit of it to seem a little dated but, the tools were approachable and seemed to be able to be adjusted as the child grows.
Dr. Karp uses plenty of great examples, and the paper copy of the book is laid out in a fun way with cartoons and illustrations. Most of Dr. Karp’s ideas were not earth shatteringly new (although they may have been when the book was originally published in 2004) but, I was impressed with new ideas of teaching toddler’s magic breathing and patience stretching.
If your partner isn’t into reading all the books, this may not be the ONE to pass along for them. The tips and tools are clear enough that you could read it and share your favorite parts with them, and save their one read for something else.
What might that book be? Stay tuned for our next parenting toddlers Book Review!