What if my partner doesn't give me anymore 'Bids'?
In this video Tina Shrader shares some tips if you’re having trouble noticing bids from your partner- don’t fret! first answer is look more closely, they may just be harder to find.
The bad news is that if you’re having that much trouble recognizing your partner’s bids it may be they’re not sending many anymore.
Many times couples get into a difficult pattern of withdrawing bids- this comes from bids going unnoticed and from feeling like their partner turns away more than they turn towards.
The good news is that the pattern that you’re in is not set in stone, you are capable of making change!
Try resetting the pattern by changing it up-
(1) be on high alert for anything small that may be a bid from your partner.
(2) Be diligent about enthusiastically turning towards when you do recognize a bid.
(3) Drop in some clear bids to your partner and when they turn towards share with them how it was for you,
Try not to comment on the times they turn away- praise the good and get more good. Remember your partner has felt rejected and disregarded- it may take a little while for them to feel confident and safe that their bids will be acknowledged again.
(4) And the easiest of all- share this post with them!
Leave the explaining to me, and get their mind working on re-evaluating your pattern of giving and receiving bids!
If you want a refresher of bids by the originator, the Gottmans, check out this video summary https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ib7Ain2aVR0
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