The Stories We Tell Ourselves: Rewriting Trauma with EMDR
Often we will tell ourselves stories of what is, what must be true, to help us comprehend what was. I witness this phenomenon in the therapeutic space every day; how quickly our mind reaches for logic, for an explanation, to make sense of a painful event.
Yet, when the experience is traumatic, our mind wants to organize it, to explain it. The experience of trauma or chronic stress can rob us of so much, and far too often that includes our sense of safety and self worth. The impact of the false narratives we tell ourselves around such events is long lasting, deeply painful, and enforces a belief that experiencing pain equates to being broken. In the aftermath of these experiences, many people find themselves replaying the event with an inner monologue that re-enforces that blame.
“It’s my fault.”
“I am not safe.”
“I’m weak.”
“I’m not capable.”
These thoughts become beliefs and so often they feel convincing, even familiar. It is easy to find evidence for these beliefs when suddenly, fault is all you are able to see within yourself. These beliefs are not failures of the self, though they may appear that way. I challenge you to view these, however, as survival strategies. When the brain cannot process an overwhelming event, it tries its best to fill in the gaps with something that gives us a sense of control.
If we believe we caused the pain, then on some level we believe we can prevent it from happening again. When these narratives go unchallenged, they can become cornerstones of who we are, guiding lights that give us false promises of security. It can feel easier to prepare for pain, then to hope for change and open ourselves up to disappointment. Though protective, it is also a heavy weight to carry on our own.
What I often share with clients is the offer of hope, the idea that maybe the stories trauma taught us, are not the only narratives available to us. What if we could reclaim and rewrite our own story? What if you could reinvent your relationship with yourself?
Healing does not get rid of the past, but it can make room for new narratives to emerge. Healing can result in compassion, clarity, and peace being offered as a replacement for fear, judgment, and chaos. When the self shouts “I cannot get through this”, EMDR says “but what if you could”. EMDR allows people who have experienced trauma or chronic stress an opportunity to dare to dream of a different future, and provides you with the tools to make it a reality.
What EMDR Really Is
If you’ve ever felt caught in the same emotional cycle, reacting in ways you do not fully understand, feeling triggered by things that “shouldn’t” feel so intense, or reliving old events
long after the moment has passed, you are not alone. Very often, this is what living with unprocessed trauma looks like in everyday life.
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy was developed to help the brain do what it was unable to during the traumatic experience; fully processing the event so it feels less overwhelming, limiting, and defining.
Here are a few things I offer to clients who are considering EMDR:
You will not have to retell every detail of your trauma.Many people assume trauma therapy requires retelling the entire story from beginning to end. While there are other types of therapy that offer that format, EMDR does not. For many, this is a relief, as so often it is too difficult or too long ago to recall in detail. We focus on what the memory feels like now, the emotional impact, physical sensations, and most importantly, what you believe it told you about yourself. A play by play recounting is not required.
Bilateral stimulation helps the brain do the processing it was unable to do during the event.
Through gentle back and forth stimulation, taking place through eye movements, taps, or tones, providing you with mental and emotional space to develop new beliefs. Many people report that EMDR provides relief in a shorter period of time than traditional talk therapy, treating the trauma from its root.
You remain fully in control.
There can be a common misconception that EMDR is a form of hypnosis, but it isn’t. You are fully awake, aware and able to pause or stop at a moment. My role as the therapist is to support you in safely exploring these experiences, while you lead the way. Reclaiming autonomy is a key component in trauma recovery, and occurs the minute you step into the therapeutic space.
EMDR helps shift the negative or limiting beliefs formed at the moment of trauma.
Trauma can be the catalyst for beliefs that sound like:
“I am insignificant.”
“I’m unworthy.”
“I’m powerless.”
These beliefs long outlast the traumatic event themselves, and can be reinforced by chronic or repetitive experiences of trauma. EMDR helps revisit the memory with the safety, support, and perspective that we're not able to access or experience in the moment. As we decrease emotional intensity, and re-process the event, the beliefs begin to lose their power.
Re-processing creates space for a brighter future.Many people frequently describe their world as feeling bigger after EMDR. Clients report feeling lighter in spirit, more capable of being present, and more open to meaningful connection. Life begins to feel exciting again, instead of daunting.
Perhaps most importantly, people begin to see themselves through a lens of truth rather than trauma.
Reclaiming Your Life
One of the most meaningful parts of doing trauma work is witnessing the moment when a client realizes the story they have been carrying is not the one they have to continue living out. Trauma may have shaped certain beliefs, reactions, or fears, but the self gets the final say. EMDR does not rewrite your story for you, it gives you the clarity and capacity to rewrite it yourself—with compassion, courage, and a renewed understanding of your own strength.
Healing is not about being strong enough, but recognizing the inherent strength we have within us. You are not the story you tell yourself, you are not broken. You are healing, becoming, evolving, and that is powerful.
Written by Amanda Addiego, LCSW