He’s Yelling at the Refs...She’s Yelling at Him: A Relationship Survival Guide to Game Day (Before, During, and After)

For some couples, Football Sunday is sacred. For others, it can be a day that they dread. One partner wants connection; the other just wants to yell at the TV in peace. It’s a dynamic I see often as a therapist, where something small like football becomes symbolic of something bigger, “I don’t feel seen.”

But here’s the truth: football isn’t the enemy. Disconnection is. And the fix isn’t giving up what you love, it’s learning how to ask for what you need while also considering your partner’s needs.

This is your Football Sunday Playbook, a therapist-approved guide for keeping your relationship connected before, during, and after the game.

Before the Game: Set the Tone, Not the Trap

The time before kickoff sets the emotional temperature and vibe for the whole day. Most conflicts can be prevented just by naming what each person needs upfront.

For The Non-Watcher

  • Ask directly. Instead of “Do you have to watch all day?” try, “Could we spend 30 minutes together before the game so I feel connected?”

  • Plan your own joy. What fills your cup? Schedule it. Don’t wait for your partner to read your mind.

For The Watcher

  • Reassure early. “I’m excited for the game, but I want to make sure we spend time together first.” Simple, but powerful and effective.

  • Set expectations. Let your partner know when you’ll be present, and what to expect after the game. Adjust expectations 

Create a pre-game ritual. Share breakfast, take a short walk, or plan dinner for later. Small connections create big emotional security.

During the Game: Stay Connected, Respect the Space

Football can be immersive, and that’s okay. The goal isn’t to interrupt it, but to keep connection alive in small, intentional ways.

For The Non-Watcher

  • Choose connection moments. Ask: “Can I join you for a quarter?” or “Text me when you take a break, I want to say hi.”

  • Avoid scorekeeping. Resentment builds fast when the focus shifts to fairness instead of connection.

For The Watcher

  • Be responsive. A quick glance, smile, or halftime check-in signals “I still see you.”

  • Invite gently. If your partner wants to join, let them feel welcomed, not like they are interrupting a sacred ritual.

Choose one “connection checkpoint.” Halftime, snack refill, or a quick cuddle. Something consistent, not forced.

After the Game: Reconnect Intentionally

The game might end, but your connection doesn’t have to. How you come back together after individual time determines how safe the relationship feels.

For The Non-Watcher

  • Ask directly for reconnection. “Let’s do something small after the game. Dinner or a walk?”

  • Acknowledge effort. Appreciation builds trust faster than criticism. Try: “Thank you for making the time.” or “I feel seen when you make the time to meet my needs.”

For The Watcher

  • Transition back. Once the game ends, don’t stay emotionally checked out. Rejoin your partner’s world.

  • Follow through. If you said you’d connect after, do it. That consistency earns respect and deepens trust.

Create a post-game ritual. Dinner, dessert, or catching up about the weekend. Connection after independence keeps love balanced.

The Football Sunday Playbook for Couples

A simple before, during, and after checklist to keep connection strong.

Before the Game

  • Share a meal, coffee, or walk together to connect before kickoff.

  • Each partner clearly names what they need.

  • Make a plan: when does connection happen, when does personal time happen?

  • Express appreciation early.

During the Game

  • Respect boundaries. No guilt trips or sabotage.

  • For the watcher: Check in briefly (eye contact, touch, smile).

  • For the non-watcher: Fill your own cup! (self-care, friends, hobbies)

  • Keep playfulness handy. (“If your team wins, I bet you a massage.”)

After the Game

  • Reconnect. Transition out of game mode into “us” mode.

  • Debrief the weekend and plan for the week ahead.

  • Do something small together. (dinner, dessert, couch time)

  • End with gratitude: “I liked that we both got what we needed today.”

Game Over, Love Wins

When both partners ask clearly and listen generously, connection becomes easy, even on Football Sunday. The goal isn’t to win; it’s to stay on the same team. When both partners communicate their needs openly and consider what matters to the other, it turns into something deeper than just game day, it becomes a rhythm of respect and appreciation.

At the end of the day, the real win isn’t on the scoreboard, it’s in your living room, where teamwork and connection are always the most valuable plays.

Written by Hayley Caddell, ALMFT


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Tina Shrader