5 Tips To Get A Reluctant Partner to Therapy
I often hear from potential new clients:
“I’m very invested in the idea of couples therapy buuuuuut- I’m not sure that my partner will be on board.”
I get it! This is unchartered territory! Most likely you’ve never had to introduce this idea to your partner before. You may be worried they will become defensive, won’t hear you out, or that it’ll spiral into a fight.
We’ve advised lots of clients on how best to introduce the topic of couples or family therapy, and how to go about the process in a way that improves your chances for a successful reaction.
Here are five tips to help you encourage participation in therapy from a reluctant partner- these tips will help you with the process of introducing the idea of therapy, the conversation of why you want to start therapy, and the process of picking a therapist.
PS: These tips were equally as well for encouraging reluctant teens to start individual or family therapy, too!
five tips to get a reluctant partner to therapy:
Share Your Concerns & Name the Worst Case Scenario Up Front
Be specific about your concerns and goals, this isn’t the time to share a comprehensive list of your complaints. Prepare for this conversation ahead of time- don’t Wing It.
Name the worst case scenario for them to ease their mind.
“This does not mean I want a divorce.”
Ask Their Thoughts on the Problem
Ask if they agree or if they’ve noticed the things you’re bringing up
Give them a chance to make adjustments before scheduling
“Where do you think we could improve our relationship? Our communication?”
Be Prepared for Complaints of Their Own
Prepare to hear all the things you’re doing wrong as a reply
This is a normal defensive response, try not to fall into the trap of defensiveness
“I acknowledge I participate in this problem, too. I know there are things I also need to work on to make this better and I’m willing to do so”
invite Them to Be Part of the Process of Picking the Therapist
The key is getting their ‘buy in’
Contact therapists to confirm they have your availability & are taking new clients, offer your partner a list of 3 that may be a good fit and encourage them to reach out and narrow it down or decide
“These 3 therapists seem like someone we would like, and that would understand what we’re going through. Why don’t you take a look and narrow it down or make a decision on which we should schedule with.”
Agree to One or Two ‘Get to Know You,’ Sessions
Be clear from the beginning with your partner and the therapist that you’re ‘shopping around’ and don’t feel pressured to schedule a second session or make a decision after the first session
Schedule time together after the first session to process it further and make a slow and deliberate decision
“We are exploring the idea of therapy still and want to have time to process and discuss this decision before scheduling again- can we hold off on making another appointment now, and reach out to you after we have a chance to talk it through?”