4 ways to Commit to Self-Care this New Year
It’s officially the New Year! The start of a new year marks for many the start of goals and intentions set to better themselves and their relationships. But, more often than not, the gusto of those fresh goals wear off before you can re-train your brain to date things ‘20’ instead of ‘19’. The new year’s disappointment is such a common phenomenon that many people’s every year resolution is to continue boycotting the ‘shame game,’ that is New Year’s Resolutions. But, if you’re a hopeless romantic for getting out of that comfort zone and challenging yourself to be better, we’ve got you covered. Especially, if your goal relates to FINALLY committing to prioritizing yourself, and your well-being, a bit more in 2020.
If you’re looking to have a more successful self-care routine in 2020 here are 4 ways to Commit to Self-Care this New Year
4 ways to Commit to Self-Care this New Year
1. Silence the stigma (... and then repeat, and repeat, and keep repeating)
Repeat after me: “taking time for myself is not selfish. I am worthy of of the same space I make for others in my life.” If I could invent one thing it would be a pill form of this mantra, that made anyone who took it instantly own this truth. Not only would I be very rich and famous, but mom shame (and dad shame, too) would most certainly be a thing of the past! But, until then, we must continue to contradict the sneaky, strong stigma that tells us that our time is best spent serving others and giving of ourselves. Until you are able to better recognize how stigma immobilizes you from giving yourself the care you deserve, you will struggle to fully partake and believe in the power of self-care. Please know that battling stigma is a life-long, ongoing journey, one that is much more in depth and complicated than a short list on a blog can truly honor. But, although eradicating stigma may never be a box you can check off your to-do list, it can be an intention you return to and allow yourself to explore with patience and grace. Many people find it helpful to do this work within trusted relationships with a friend, mentor, or therapist.
2. Ditch the negative self talk... once, and for all
Ahhh… the familiar sound of our inner critic’s voice shit talking our every move. A voice that many of us have carefully and quietly cultivated since our preteen years. Breaking the pattern of negative self-talk can seem like an impossible internal game of whack-a-mole. But, once you start to challenge that negative voice, it becomes a wildly empowering way of caring for yourself in tiny moments of the day. No spa appointment or three day weekend required! Everyday is a perfect opportunity to re-commit to being your own biggest fan- once and for all- in your thoughts, speech, and actions. Once you stop entertaining and listening to that inner critic, the voice WILL quiet down. Some people like to pick out a name or an accent for their lying inner critic, so that they’re able to differentiate the voice better. So brush up on your ‘disses’ and ‘burns’ and get ready to start talking shit right back to that inner voice!
3. Tune In
Somehow self-care got a bad reputation as an excuse for people (women especially) to splurge under the guise of self-restoration or renewal. My favorite example of this is Aziz Ansari’s character in the t.v show Parks & Recreation, where occasional days would be a free for all pleasure binge, excused by the phrase, “Treat Yo’self!” Although an occasional ‘treat yo’self,’ can be rejuvenating, more often than not it leaves you with feelings of guilt and shame (not to mention broke!). But, many people struggle with finding exactly what will do the trick and make them feel better with their limited time and budget- is it a massage, a mental health day, or those new pair of shoes on your wishlist? The best way to avoid the blues of underwhelming self-care is to check in with yourself, by asking, “what it is that I need in this moment?” or “What is it that would smell, feel, taste, look, sound really good right now?” Because, sometimes it’s splurging to pay someone to do a deep clean of your house, and the ease that comes with walking in the door to a clean house. But, other times you’re looking to achieve that sense of accomplishment- and so you take a mental health day from work and get after it yourself. So keep your self-care list fresh and up-to-date, think about what has felt good in the past, and be open to trying things not knowing if it’ll be the right fit or not. The secret is taking the time to look in and see what part of you needs to be rested and refreshed the most, and target that area specifically.
4. Schedule & Share
In my work with couples I have learned that in most busy homes nothing happens unless it’s scheduled, and that if it’s not on the family calendar it’s irrelevant. Sound familiar? The reality is that life is too full for spur of the moment and impromptu anything, and those precious breaks are most often filled with social media scrolling and Netflix binging. Self-care can and should be treated just like any other appointment you schedule yourself- put it on the calendar and honor it like you would a teeth cleaning, a staff meeting, or a parent teacher conference. Capitalize on your strength of accountability to your planner and make it work to your advantage, by regularly scheduling time to invest in yourself. Take it a step further by sharing it with your partner or a close friend, or putting it on the family calendar so that others can help keep you accountable if you try to flake on yourself.